The Marine Corps Birthday Ball

It's that time of year again!

Every November, the Marine Corps has a 'Birthday Ball' to commemorate the birth of the Corps. It doesn’t matter where you are; the date is recognized by ALL Marines.

I have to say, I find it a bit insulting that people think I am taking this WAY too seriously. They say I am fretting too much to pick a dress to wear to the ball. That getting one custom made is pushing a little over the limit. That I worry too much about a ‘Ball’ when I never really cared for Prom or whatever.

A common question I get is, “Why don’t you just wear one of your old high school dresses?” Uh, because.. it’s the MARINE CORPS BALL? And plus, none of my dresses would go with his uniform (besides one and I had to wear that for a Quincenera and I’m not too fond of it.). Plus, I’ve received a lot of criticism from people who have been to balls online when I first asked them their opinion of a white dress with black ribbons. And I’ve done my research.

The Marine Corps Birthday Ball (MCBB) is ONE of the MOST IMPORTANT EVENTS for a Marine. This is like… I don’t even know how to put it! It means a lot to them and if you’re lucky enough to go, you should be flattered you were asked. It’s a beautiful night of men and women in their uniforms and not easily forgettable. I still remember the moment Eric led me into the ceremony room and as I gasped in awe he whispered in my ear, “It’s really nice isn’t it?” Nice? It was GORGEOUS. And all the Marines with their dates and everyone being so friendly… it was like a dream. No really, I’m serious. It was really beautiful. I wish I had taken pictures that night but I was too nervous to do much of anything but speak when spoken to, have small conversations with those at our table, and mind my manners.

I agree to every last bit that the MCBB should be all about YOUR Marine. Not you. You’re nothing but an arm decoration. When I went last year (my first Ball ever), I didn’t know what to expect and was nervous out of my mind. I felt completely underdressed wearing a lacy black dress that came a little below my knees (TIP! Try not to wear anything shorter than the knees!) with a black ribbon. It was a classy dress, but I felt completely underdressed compared to some of the evening gowns the ladies wore. Two girls at our table (one a Marine, one a civilian) wore prom-like dresses. One wore a gold dress that was, for lack of a better word, short. And another wore a long red dress with a short train. I suppose that was why I felt completely underdressed…

Anyhow, this year I’m fretting on the colors. I’ve picked a design I liked (same one from last year but I didn’t end up buying it) and plan on getting it in a dark navy blue to match Nick’s blouse, and maybe a white ribbon tie.

Here’s a slightly more detailed photo of the torso:


The back (the part I fell in LOVE with):


And the whole front:


I figure the white ribbon tie because I’m thinking it would look a bit odd with the blood line red. The white would go with his belt at least… Hahaha. Any opinions on this? I’ve gotten told that the dress would be perfect for the ball as long as the colors matched his Blues. I’m so stressed out over this!

Anyhow, I’m really excited about going again this year. I’ve met most of Nick’s shop before and am pretty familiar with some of his higher commands. One couple however, my favorite, got moved so… I’m not TOO excited. Anyway… I look forward to it nonetheless.

It’s earlier than I thought too and I believe it’s being held at Morango Casino? I don’t remember the details.. too busy thinking of what to wear! The thing is, I promised Ashley we could go together to Danny’s ball. So… two balls? I dunno.. seems a bit outta hand… But I’m pretty sure she’ll fare well. She’s the cutest little thing… Danny’s coming back from Afghanistan next week!! Her and I are pretty excited about that… We plan on driving down to Pendleton to see them arrive. Too bad they’re not landing where we thought they’d be… I’m pretty bummed out about that. I haven’t broken that news to Ashley yet… Ah well…

Anyhow, my fever’s kickin’ back in and I’m gonna go get myself some water.

Seriously though, I want your opinions on the dress!

Thanks(:

A Moment of Silence

As a pre-teen during the attacks of September 11th, I soon came to realize how some of my peers do not seem to acknowledge the amount of hurt that pulsed through the nation, and the world, that day.

I was getting ready for school that morning... My mother was forcing me to eat breakfast in the kitchen while my sisters and my father watched the two smoking buildings on the television in the bar/piano room. I could hear them talking, hushed hurried whispers of horror. Then the three of them gasped together and there was silence. Once again, I made a rush to get out of the kitchen, failing as my mother grabbed my arm and forced me back down. She glanced over into the room and asked casually, "What happened?"

"A tower collapsed..."

The rest of the words were lost to me as I quietly sat alone at the kitchen table mulling over what I had just heard. I couldn't understand why someone would do something like that. I thought everybody loved our country. Then again, I hadn't seen much hate growing up.

My mother dropped me off at school, and as walked to my first class I thought of the image I caught from a glance of the TV. Fear and wonder crowded my thoughts; then paranoia. The rest of the day was spent glancing up at the sky, wondering if maybe my school was the next target. We had been informed by some of our teachers that the second tower had fallen, and some teachers even let us watch the newscast during short periods of class time. My H. English teacher gave us a little lecture while we watched a replay of the towers falling. "These people you see here are stupid people. These are the people who threw away their lives and hurt millions of people instead of doing something good or important. You guys should take this example of such weak minded people and condition your minds to become educated scholars. What you see here are people from a nation with no proper education. Think of how lucky you guys are to live in a country where education is free and mandatory. I know you all think you hate school, but without some sort of proper education, events like these would be happening all over the world. And yes, even in our country."

She did say a few more things, not so nicely, but we got the point. Anyway, when the principal came over the loudspeaker and asked for a moment of silence, I sat quietly and thought about the images I’d seen on the screen. As I thought, my eyes wandered over my classmates... Some were just glancing around, others whispering into their neighbor's ear, and some just sat there looking bored. It shocked me that they weren't taking in what was going on seriously. For all I knew, millions of people could've died that day and those that did were mothers, fathers, daughters, sons, grandparents, cousins, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews.... And they sat there! Without a care in the world!

When I entered my high school, teenage years and a 'moment of silence' was issued, I figured things would be a bit better. But I was wrong. On top of everything else, some of the students just sat and texted on their phone while the ‘Moment of Silence’ was put into effect. Others would just put their head down and close their eyes to try and nap though the teacher's lecture. And when someone poked me and asked me why I looked so serious, I just couldn't place it all together. I still can't. I don't understand it. Why is there no passion or sympathy for the innocent that have been killed?

If you read my previous post about my curse of a kind heart, I guess that would explain my emotions when I reflect back on that day. Alan Jackson's song "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)" and Darryl Worley's "Have You Forgotten?" still mist my eyes when I hear them. Along with Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue (The Angry American)" and Yellowcard's "Believe" were common songs that would get my thoughts back to September of 2001. Then the 9/11 remix of DJ Sammy's "Heaven" was a popular hit. It could tug at the heartstrings of every mother, and father. I've got a friend that still gets angry at me whenever I turn it on on my iPod. She pulls the ear bud out, or turns off the radio and says, "Stop it! You know I hate that song!" And when I ask why, she simply says, "Because! The little girl's voice and what she says... IT'S SO FRIGGIN' DEPRESSING." I found that hard to believe, because she's not one who usually cries. Haha...

I fell asleep last night on the couch with one last piece of knowledge. It's September 11th again... Eight years have passed. Do all the families still light a candle for their loved one? Do people still pass over the event that affected the world? My answer is yes. Looking at the Facebook statuses all around, some still remember and pledge allegiance to always remembering. And some just want to promote themselves, and make their world push out events that happened in the past that don't include them.

Is it selfish of me to think bad thoughts of them? Or is it selfless of me to think so much about those that lost their lives and the respect they get denied? When you walk through a graveyard, is it ever proper to step on a headstone?

If I had a flagpole, I would put up a special flag today. A ‘September 11th’ flag at half-mast. A friend asked me earlier, “Why?” I told him, “Why not? In memory of all the law enforcement that faithfully gave their lives to their duties in trying to save as many people from the burning building. For the innocent lives that were lost. And lastly, in remembrance of our troops overseas and how everyone seems to easily forget about them and what they do for our country. Plus, how our country came together to help each other. I don't think we'd ever been more United then before.” All he responded back with was ‘oh’ before changing the subject.

America, the Land of Ignorance. How I commonly refer to our country. We all take our freedom for granted and do stupid things with it. I’m not saying I haven’t done it before, but I just wish we were taught differently. But then again, I suppose it also has to do with maturity.

*Sigh* The thought of the attacks is making me all depressed again. I’m going to go turn on my ‘Patriotic’ play list on my iPod, do some small errands, and maybe drive over to visit my little brother. Not a real one, of course, but I “adopted” him as one when he claimed he always wanted an older sister. I actually haven’t seen him since the summer of 2006. Both of us were part of the same tour group vacationing in Hawai’i so the last I saw of him was just outside the doors of LAX.

It’s September 11th, everyone. Go home and give your family, and the ones you love, a hug. Be thankful for what you have and be glad that faith, hope, and love exist in this world, in our world, and in your world.

May God bless you, your family, and the ones you love.

And once more, may God watch over our troops overseas and their family and loved ones. May as many of them, if not all of them, return home safely.

And Danny, we’re praying for your safe return. Less than a month away, we’re all excited too!

So what are you still doing sitting at your computer? Get off and go spend some time with your family. I am.

Simply Hope

I still have some hope left for this world.I still have some hope left for this world.

Let’s call her Betty. I’m not clear on what her history is but she walked into my life earlier this year. Well, she’s not a completely BIG part of my life, but she has restored my hope for humanity. If more people were like her, I’m sure the world would be won over by kindness.

From the day I first helped her, she was nice. I mean like, REALLY nice. She was just having some trouble with her phone, the Samsung Omnia. I couldn’t get the problem figured out and it was killing me that I couldn’t. She said she had some errands to run today but she’d be more than happy to swing by some other time. Meanwhile, I looked everywhere to find out the solution to the problem. When she returned, I still had no resolution. I called Mobile Line and asked for some tech support. Turned out, the answer was so simple. No wonder everyone I asked had so much trouble with it! Anyhow, a day or two after she came back. But this time it was just a short visit to drop something off. She gave me a $20 gift card to target. Why? I have NO idea. She said it was for all the trouble and help I went through to get the bug fixed on her phone as well as introducing to her all the features it provided. I thanked her and she went on her way. She was driving this horrid looking car though. Turns out, this horrid looking car was a Mercedes-Benz G-Class. No offense to you out there, I just think it looks like a box on wheels. Haha. Anyhow, I was clueless about how much the car was until I looked it up to find what model number it was (not too big of a fan of the MB). $100,000. That odd looking car is worth a hundred thousand dollars!

Okay, that’s just a car. Couldn’t mean anything, right? She came in a few more times for help with her phone and I paired the Bluetooth from her car to her phone. I met her kids a few times too. All three of them are really sweet. One is actually sitting in the office right now. She’s the youngest. Really quiet girl. Her mother dropped her off to play with the dog.

Woah, like.. nearly the whole day just went by as I just sat back down to finish this post.

Anyway, apparently, she must have money. Her house is super nice. Gated community, her son has a modified 350z, and I’m not sure what her husband drives. Maybe that G class car. But uh, lets get to the point, shall we?

She donated $12,000 to another customer at our store. In cash. The two haven’t met, she wishes for her identity to be unknown by the man. Let’s call him Steve.

Steve has lost his job, lost all his money, his car, and was recently diagnosed with cancer. He has come to the store on countless occasions to ask us for help and we have gone out of our way to do so with certain requests. For instance, my post about the curse of a kind heart? He has a lot to do with it. Just this week, I probably used a whole tank being his taxi driver. He feels bad, I’m pretty annoyed, but I just smile and say it’s no problem at all. I didn’t volunteer for the job, nor is it one I can afford. He also spilled my Jamba Juice Betty bought for us earlier today on my backpack, shoes, and desk. Ah well…

Steve was very fortunate to have his story told by chance to Betty who was kind enough to donate that generous sum of money to buy a car. Which, he did with the help of my father and I. I found the car, mum dealed the price down, I drove him and my dad to the dealership, and my dad dealed down the price and got the paperwork summed up for Steve and drove Steve’s car back to our home where Steve proceeded to drive home. Steve apparently had surgery a few weeks ago and is having a hard time walking.

So, I guess I’m just amazed that people out there are willing to help one another. Complete strangers that have never met. Amazing, isn’t it? And so comforting.

Well, time to close up shop. I just hope that when I’m in as much need as Steve, someone else out there will step up and help me, like Betty did. But, just not to that great of an extent. (:

Kindness is simply one of the many forms of love in action. That’s what I think anyway.

Goodnight, bittersweet world.

The Curse of a Kind Heart

Anger.
Anger at some of the past decisions I made, some of the "friends" that I had, and most particularly, anger at the one person who made me realize what I had. What I've been cursed with.

There's still one female in my life that gets me angry. She was a "friend" that "only wanted the best" for me. Just thinking about her now gets me heated up... The whole time she was getting friendly with a certain someone. But this is what gets me, even though her mistakes (although she may not believe they were) caused me a substantial amount of grief, I feel as if I cannot blame her for it. I was in love, and she was in lust. That’s just the way the world turns. She had turned my world completely upside down as she stood whispering her devious little charms into his ear… I could blame her, but it wasn’t really her fault. I could blame the other girl, but it wasn’t her fault either. I could blame him, but it wasn’t his fault either. It was mine. It was all me. Me and this crummy heart that lets everyone get the best of me.

It’s sad… I see these things happening but I always tell myself to let them have the benefit of the doubt. But that’s just the thing – I have no doubts about certain people. And looking back on it now, these were the ones I was right about. So why couldn’t I save myself from the pain and just get out while I could?

Like I said, I’ve realized I’ve been cursed. Throughout my life, I always let people walk all over me. As much as it didn’t seem like it, I did. I honestly, really did. In all realities, it should be coined as “trampled” all over me. That seems more appropriate. I’m too nice. I can’t speak up about certain things even if it’s harming me. Of course, I eventually draw the line, but I’m certain I still let things go too far.

I have some great friends that look out for me, and these are the people I’ve never had any doubt about. One in particular sticks out in my mind. We grew up with completely different environments but we understand each other. We look out for each other. We don’t exactly look like the normal pair together, but it works. We’re a lot alike aside from the differences in society we live in and grew up in.

I believe we can all be friends (SEE! THERE! My kind heart prevails… T___T). I probably also sound like a hippie by saying that, but it’s true. A visit from someone who once was a close friend made me realize that I hope some time in the future we’re friends again. Even after all the pain we put each other through or had whispered into our ears. I saw our meeting going a little differently in my head a little bit after this associate left. Like I’ve said before, my life is like a drama-filled movie.

Due to this horrible curse, I find myself constantly going out of my way to help people. For instance, last night I signed up with some modeling/acting agency because a friend’s friend needed fifteen recruits. I find that hilarious. Especially because she just called me asking me if I was still interested in showing up. Sure I’m interested, I just don’t have the time, sadly. I wouldn’t mind playing the snooty “Oh-I’m-so-much-better-than-you” attitude. But of course, I wouldn’t have the chance to. I’m not pretty enough or take care of myself enough to go into that line of work. Haha. Anyway, i enjoy getting my hands dirty from time to time. Wouldn’t be something I’d want to do for more than an hour a day. Unless I was getting paid serious money, then I’d totally do it…

Anyway, I think that’s enough chat for now… been so boreddd lately at night. Nic’s in Texas for some training new recruits’ thing or something. Nick’s gone to bed. Steve is busy with the whole war veterans thing he runs now for the government. Trey’s deployed in Cuba. Which reminds me… I need to send Danny a care package in Afghanistan. School’s started, and the professor’s been able to talk the dean into letting two more people in so I’m back in geology (any tutors out there interested in tutoring me, message me. Hahahaha.). And, if I get all my classes next semester, I can transfer by the end of it! All the matter of choosing what college and what major… :/ very difficult decision…

Another thing… you know what bugs me? Guys that think that all girls love being pampered. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t mind going to a fancy restaurant now and then but it doesn’t have to be ALL the time. I’m perfectly happy with a hole-in-the-wall place as long as they serve some decent food. Haha. Honestly though, it’s a waste of time! Apparently we have reservations to some place tomorrow night. He won’t tell me anything, not where it is, or even how I should dress! Ugh. I’m certainly excited, but I’m kind of annoyed… He really doesn’t need to spoil me. :/ Like I said, I enjoy getting my hands dirty too. I love my Gerry(: <3 he’s so sweet.

As for now, I think I’ll go hunt down a snack. Haven’t had anything to eat all day and I’m in need of some sort of nourishment. Been stuck at work all day. :/ Once again, my crappy nice personality drives me INSANE. I’m going to starve to death because of it. Haha. The curse of a kind, forgiving heart. CURSE.

Peace, ladies.


Yummie strawberry soda!! :D It really honestly does taste like strawberry soda... hahaha.

With love comes pain

As I was laying on my bed earlier today, singing my heart out to Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, SHeDAISY, and a number of other various artists, i've realized one thing I'm a bit ashamed of… I'm afraid to love.

Somewhere in my mind i've come to the conclusion that to love is to force yourself through unnecessary pain. Sure love has it’s pros, but it’s quite terrifying if you sit to think about it. ‘Love’ can literally kill you. It’s strong enough so it can break even the strongest (wo)man, but so delicate that it’s what we’re made of. It made me think, “There’s so much love in this world, but it’s directed at all the wrong things.” There’s the love for money, love for power, love for lust… We all aim our love in the wrong places. That there is why love is so painful. Love is something that should never end. And it’s true, love doesn’t end. It’s not that someone stops loving the other person in a relationship; it’s the fact that one loves the other too much, and the other loves back too little. If all of us weren’t so focused on our lives and took a moment to think we’d all agree that ‘love’ really is what makes the world go round. Love is what helps us exist, to survive, to endure life’s hardships. We aren’t in fact living for ourselves, but for something we love.

It’s like horseback riding. You’re afraid to get on the horse because you’re not sure if it’s the right match for you. You try to talk yourself out of it thinking of the consequences, but you put your foot in the stirrup, swing your leg over, and settle in for the ride. At first, things are easy. Then the pace picks up. This is where I think most relationships seem to have a difficult time; the trot. It’s bumpy, and if you don’t prepare yourself or sit yourself properly you’re bound to have a super rough ride. Some people can’t handle this and they stop. Others hang on tightly only to eventually give up. But some… some hang on for dear life. And no matter how far to the slide they slip they grit their teeth and hang on, attempting to pull themselves back into the saddle. If they succeed, they learn how to cope with the jarring and position themselves correctly in the saddle, posting to the trot to lessen the bouncing. And as time passes, you feel more confident and take things to the next level; the lope. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Nothing like feeling the wind in your face, the pounding of hooves, sitting astride a magnificently molded animal; this is when everything in the relationship is going smoothly, easily. And after a bit of this pace, you kick in to the limit; the gallop. Every stride you go through brings you and your significant other closer and closer together. Things between you develop even faster and you feel as if you could never love each other more. But as the pace quickens, so does your love.
Depending on what kind of trail you’re riding it’s impossible to say it’s smooth galloping from there on out. I believe no road is without its consequences or obstacles. The horse is love. The paces you put your horse through are the phases in your relationship. And lastly, the trail… the trail will always be a twisting trail through forest, desert, mountainous terrain, ….

MAJOR DISTRACTION, BYE.

Love is N E V E R easy to fall out of.

Konstantine. (n)
1.Someone you love unconditionally.
2.Is more than likely your first true love.
Defined by UrbanDictionary.com

My obsession to the song 'Konstantine' has lead me to my new screen name for aim. Hahaha. It's in my profile if you care to see(:


So, lately I've been having a rough few days. Hardly been getting any sleep due to the assignments my english professor keeps handing out. Tonight, I've got two more essays to do. One (really three essays put into one) to revise over the ones I did last night because he doesn't "have the time to check your papers." Because, he'll "be busy with your other papers all this weekend." So he returned it back to us after peer editing and told us to correct, then turn it in for the weekend. -___-" Whatever. It's his life. Seriously? The assignments he gives us are so POINTLESS. It's quite frustrating. It makes me miss my english 100 class. T___T What i'll miss most about that class are the people in it. Sure i'm keeping in touch with a few but, that's about it.

So due to lack of sleep, the past two days... I've been sleeping in my first class. I know, I feel horrible about it. Especially because Sliff is the only professor I totally, totally, TOTALLY respect. He's so awesome. xD But .. just so BORINGG. I've completely knocked out the past two days in his class, and I know he sees me because I only sit in the second row but I can't help it. I'm sorry, Professor. Honest. >__< I get my work done though... Plus, I think he likes me(: He's just SOOO nice. Anyway, moving on...

So lets see... I was on the phone with Amador last night. I've been also a bit depressed while being completely stressed out by school. Amador says it's completely normal for me to feel this way, but he also advised me on decisions and such that I won't get into much detail on. The outcome is simple, but it's easier said than done. He knows this. I know this. We all know this. We know what's good for us, but can't achieve it because of the pain, or distractions along the way. It's like.. they show up on your door and they stick their foot in while you're trying to close it shut. Then they start pushing and shoving - throwing their weight against the door! And your foot starts slipping... You start losing ground... the door swings open a little wider and the wind just hits you. Hard. So you're standing there with them standing in your doorway shocked at the icy wind that's roaring right into your face. You struggle against it and attempt to close the door once more. They push back and you start crying because of all the stress they're putting you through. You want them to understand you just want to be left alone so you can just forget about them. But no matter how hard you try that foot stays in the door...

Bleh. I'm not sure if you get what I mean. I need my sleep. Hahaha...

Anyway, I guess it's just memories that get to me. Yesterday was Tim's birthday. Some of you are familiar with who he is, and some of you have actually met him. He turned 21. I'm sure he had quite the party and is completely hungover. Same with his brother. I'm sure they all headed to some club and got piss drunk. I find it depressing and disturbing to think of them drunk and at some club, or just drunk in general. *shrug* But that's not a place for me to venture into.

July 30th, 2009. He turns 23. Eric that is. Hah.. I've never realized how old he was... Then again, age catches up with us all. It just never occurred to me a birthday of his would go by without me fussing over what to get him. I guess that's changed for good. Heh... I suppose it's for the better. I held him back from doing the things he wanted. Never wanted him to smoke or drink and I guess that's what he loved to do. Marines, what can you say? However, there are some pretty nice Marines out there. To the few I constantly talk to, hahaha. You boys are hilarious.

So where was I..? Ah yes. I had intentions of dropping by their aunt's house and dropping a gift off, but... I think I would be the one hurt more. There's the possibility that I might come home a day or two after and find their unwrapped presents sitting on my porch. I'm not suprised.. sounds like something Eric would do. I mean.. look at what he did after we broke up. *shrug* Once again, trying to stay up on top here.. HAPPY FACE.

So I thought instead of a gift, just a card. Then I thought why not just mail them each a card... And then... I thought, no. Let them go on with their lives. I suppose none of us were really meant to be paired together. Including the two brothers. They seem like complete opposites... Anyway, I just thought of the most perfect - well, not perfect but decent - gift for Eric as well as Tim. Hahahaha, oh well. That'll never happen. Maybe in a few years we'll meet again. I guess we'll never know.

I want to stop writing now.. about all that. About them. About him. Happy thoughts, right? Haha. I sound like my own therapist...


Beach. Last year, I would go to the beach in the middle of the night and we'd all just run right on into the water. Earliest we'd head over is about 12AM. Beautiful nights. Beautiful times. Beautiful memories with some great friends(: I'll never forget our summer midnights spent at the beach. We'd swim for two hours or so, and get home around 3am. I miss that. I miss them...

I've only gone to the beach once this summer. Like, the actual sand beach. It's pretty pathetic, I know, but i've been occupied with work and school. Went with an old friend from high school, freshman year. His girlfriend was visiting from Idaho and she wanted to go to the beach one last time. So we went. Oh, and I invited James. He's never gone in at night and we stayed at the beach till about nine. It was nice. It was warm (in the water anyway!) and I had a pretty good time in the water. No one wanted to compete with me for going the furthest out. Completely not fair either, I couldn't even touch the ground. -___-" Nick met us there.. he didn't do anything but sit on the beach towel I brought. He needed to get his phone replaced and sent it to my place. Wanted to come pick it up asap and since I was going to be at the beach he agreed to meet me there.

I'm not sure if I ever posted about my paddle surfing adventure. Hahaha. It was pretty nice. While we were all lounging around on the dock these guys on a bridge a few feet away started trying to do tricks on their skateboards. One of the guys who works there (I actually don't think he does, he just hangs out there and knows the guy who owns the place) pointed out to us that they were only doing that because they were trying to impress us girls. Too bad we didn't notice. We were enjoying the sun too much. It was SUCH a perfect summer day though. Paddle surfing in the harbor. Meeting new people. Swimming in the harbor. Laying around on the dock letting the warm sun beat down on us. Helping out with the customers. Helping out with the finishing touches of another water boat/board like thing. o.O That one glides SOOO smoothly in the water. It's beautiful to see. I plan on heading over again sometime this weekend if I have the chance. Most likely Sunday.

But man, I really miss the beach... I'm aching to go again.


Well, I'm gonna go turn in for a much needed nap.

Goodnight(:

Edit: All or Nothing // O-Town.
The first song i've ever slow danced to. hahaha.
Do you remember?

You'll always be my Konstantine

Konstantine, by Something Corporate is a bittersweet song. There's a story behind the song, obviously, which is pretty sad. Anyway, i've been obsessing over it since i've heard it years ago from their album North. Beautiful song. Long, but worth the listen. Can't seem to find the sheet music to it though. If anyone finds it, do link it to me. I will be forever grateful. xD

It's been awhile since i've written. And to those ex-classmates and friends that actually READ this thing, hahaha, sorry, I guess. Just been occupied and busy with other things.

There's been a lot I wanted to write about... Lot of things have been going through my mind. But... I don't know where to start.

And now, it seems that I have forgotten what I wanted to write about. So I guess i'll talk about my daily day.

Summer session started. That's going along well enough, I guess. Taking Philosophy 100 and English 103. My phil professor is the same one I had last semester for Phil104. Bloody great professor. No joke. English 103 is comin' along alright.. He's a bit of a perfectionist. Returned my paper because it only had 22 lines per page and a properly formatted MLA formatted page has 23. -___-" Ah well, we all have our anal tendencies.

Work is just as annoying, fustrating and uneventful as always. Besides meeting a few cool people who have money and take me out to lunch or buy me lunch, it's just whatever. Got a new work schedule too so I don't even see the coworker guy I used to work with. No more teasing him :/ That's like, the only thing i'd look forward to going to work those days. Hahaha, him and I just getting into arguments and making fun out of each other. Haha, good times... Ohh, but I met the owner of this new sushi place in Fullerton. Hsiago? or something? I dunno, but that place is NICE. I hear it's expensive too. I wouldn't know, didn't really get a good look at the menu and he paid for it too so.. haha, whateves. Met some guy there too. He knew the owner dude guy I was with. O.o I talked to him for a bit but it felt a lil odd.. lol.

Anyway, what else, what else..? Oh, remember how I said I was moving on? It's a lot harder said than done. Hahaha. I finally had time the other day to clean up everything that we shared together. Photos with their frames, movie tickets, receipts from play dates together, and other things are all packed into a single bag and in my closet. Not sure what I want to do with them yet. I suppose they can sit there and collect more dust. Although, I was looking for the blanket I crocheted for him, but I can't seem to find it anywhere... :/ Oh well. That sucks ass... hahahaha.

Oh, met someone new named James. From... Pennsylvania, I think. Nice kid. Cute car. Hahaha. I've always liked Audis.. o.O He's pretty chill. I figure I might invite him to go bowling with a few friends on Tuesday.

Hm... You know what, I think I give up.
Maybe i'll make another post later. Hahahaha.

Peace.

In Memory of...

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one like this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
John 15: 12-13

It all started when I was over at Leslie's house. Her mother asked me if I knew the boy who had gotten killed over in Afghanistan his third week in. I told her I hadn't heard anything about it. She then informed me that in the latest issue of our city's paper, he was on the front page. She told me what she could from memory, but after I read his story, it hit me even harder.

She was wrong about a few things... He was a Marine. He was only 20. He graduated from Warren High School. His name was Joshua Whittle. He grew up in Downey. He will forever be remembered, and may he rest in peace.

His death got me thinking of how many more soldiers are going to be dying overseas, and then the thought of those I love around me dying. Then, I know it may seem very silly, it got me thinking of one of our family pets.

Minhee, pronounced 'Mini', was a purebred Dalmatian that had the sweetest personality. She would never hurt anything, or any one. We trusted her to care for our assortment of odd pets. Baby ducks, bunnies, kittens, and chicks. She would care for these tiny little animals as if they were her own puppies. She would curl up near them and they would crawl/hop all over her and cuddle down next to her and nap. It really was the cutest thing.

A few years ago, she left. She wasn't one who usually left the house, and if she did, she would never go very far. She was a good dog, very obedient, and would return home in less than ten minutes whenever we let her out in the front yard. It was surprising. Three days passed and we launched a search to find our beloved dog. We called the animal shelters, visited them, asked our neighbors, people down the block.... There was nothing. I tried telling myself that she was old and sometimes dogs would leave their home so their owners wouldn't have to see them die... Didn't help much.

She was gone. And I could do nothing but accept it.

I cried, of course. I still do sometimes. Seriously, I know many people call their dog 'Saints' but she really was. No matter what hour of the night it was, she'd come out of her house to greet you with a lick to your hand and a wagging tail. She was always happy. She always forgave. You scoff and ask me, "How can a dog forgive?" I respond with this, when you do something to hurt them, and they just look up at you with understanding eyes and wag their tail. You look into those soft brown eyes, and you know you're forgiven for the mistake you made.

I mean, she was always there. When I would get upset I would run outside, hug her tightly and then I'd cry into her neck. I would spend some of the hot summer days laying out on the grass with my head on her stomach. We'd spend hours just chasing each other around in the yard, playing fetch, teaching her new tricks, or jumping.

What am I doing jumping a dog? It's great exercise. Leslie and I would set up these chairs with two long wooden sticks suspended between them. With every few jumps, we would raise them higher, and higher. Our dogs did well.

Anyway, let me just get to the point of why I started typing this blog post.

My friend, Harry, lost his father when he was nine. And with yesterday being Father's day, obviously, he ain't gonna be the happiest guy in the world at this very moment. But he still tries so hard not to show his emotions - that kills me.

When we think about the loved ones that we've lost, we get emotional, yes, but there's so much more than that...

You start thinking about how much you loved them and how you weren’t able to tell them how much you did or have enough time to express how much you did before they left. If they knew you loved them. If they knew just how much you loved them. You think of ways you could've expressed your feelings towards them. And then you wonder in what ways they tried to express their love to you. If you expressed that you knew that they loved you.

Then you think about those moments that you could've spent with them and beat yourself up about how stupid it was that you would just ignore them. And all the times you spent angry at them you regret because those could've been a few more memorable moments that would've been spent in perfect harmony.

You start asking yourself why you would do such a dumb thing. What were you thinking? You apologize over and over again – it’s still not enough. You just wish you could have one more minute with them standing beside you so you can just scream ‘I’m sorry’ and beg them for forgiveness. But as you’re sitting alone thinking all of this the image of their face comes back to mind and you see those same soft brown eyes smiling back at you telling you everything’s okay and that you’re forgiven. And it’s so comforting, yet so painful.

Such love! Yet, when they were here with you all you did was take advantage of them. It’s a painful thought, a painful feeling. But that last smile, that last fondest memory, keeps you going. It helps you move on. It helps you to realize that life spent grieving over the loss of someone isn’t what you’re meant to do. So you force a smile, blink back the tears, and take a step forward never forgetting what they taught you.

Love. It’s what you make it. Everyone has their own definition of love, but true love… true love, we all have the similar idea of. It’s as simple as it is, but it’s also so intricately complicated.

Love is simply a beautiful thing.

They tell you that you should spend your days telling everyone you love just how much you love them. It all sounds silly until you think about what happens after you’ve moved on from this life. Will the ones you loved know you loved them?

I hope they do. Everyone deserves to know that they’re loved.

So you, whoever you are, just know that I love you in your own special way. Sure, I don’t know you, but if someone else out there admires you and you’ve made a positive difference in their lives, it's enough to win a spot in my heart.

May all our fallen soldiers rest in peace. You will never be forgotten.

- Always remembered in our hearts.

What Might Have Been // Little Texas

So, I've been feeling pretty down lately. It might be the weather, but I highly doubt that.

I know I haven’t posted in a while but… haha, I guess nothing incredibly important has been happening.

So, what encouraged me to make this post is because … I think it’s time. It’s time for me to let it all go. I need to make the first step and let it all go.

Rascal Flatts came out with a new CD titled ‘Unstoppable.’ I’m a HUGEE RF fan and I was reading up on the lyrics to a few songs when I came across the song titled, ‘Close’. To summarize, it’s a song about a female who keeps saying it’s time to let go, but just can’t:

It's from a year ago.
“Baby, I love you
And I can't wait to see you tonight
I've been thinking about you
All day long.”
She pushes nine to save.

I read it once. I read it twice. I felt bad for the woman in the song.. and then it hit me. That woman in the song, is me. Now to see the person as myself I thought, “Wow, just how much more pathetic can I get?” I’m not the type to be in that sort of situation. Not the type to EVER be in that situation, but sittin’ there reading those lyrics.. they had ‘Sarah’ written all over them. It bugged me - incredibly.

It wasn’t then I decided to let go. No, I wish I had. I had a bit of a miserable morning today when I woke up, all though work, and up until I got home. I sat on my bed, craved some hot chocolate went to the kitchen and made myself some tea. I walked around the house a bit, sipping my tea and looking out the windows at the grey, cloudy sky and thought about what reason I would have to feel depressed. Upon returning to my room and turning my laptop on, my ex’s AIM status caught my eye, “raina<3”.

Now Raina is mentioned in at least one of my previous posts. I gave Eric (the ex) a lot of crap about how she was trying to hook up with him. He would call her behind my back to just “make sure she’s okay”. He claimed she was suicidal and had drug abuse problems. Blah blah blah, whatever. After awhile, I just got sick of it and gave up. I mean, it always hurt whenever I saw her number on his call logs and how he’d lie to me saying she called him first when it was obviously the other way around. Now when I think of him and Raina now, the song ‘Do You Believe Me Now’ by Jimmy Wayne comes to mind:

Do you remember the day I turned to you and said,
“I didn't like the way he was lookin' at you”?
Yeah?
How he made you laugh?
You just couldn't get what I was sayin'.
It was my imagination

So do you believe me now?
I guess I really wasn't that crazy
and I knew what I was talkin' about .
Every time the sun goes down
he's the one that's holdin' you, baby.
Yeah, and me? I'm missin' you way 'cross town.
So do you believe me now?


Anyway, the thought occurred to me, “Why am I doing this to myself?” Why do I keep putting myself though so much pain? Through these bittersweet memories of my past and first love? He never treated me like he should’ve and as much as I’d like to burn him here on my blog, I’m not.

I made my decision. I’m going to drop him, and move on. I’m going to be the bigger, better person by not responding to his messages, his calls, or his AIM statuses. I know it sounds silly, but he would always post something on his AIM status that would be a smart comment shootin’ at me. And… visa versa. I’m done with all of that. I’m moving on. I’m doing it for us. But most importantly, I’m doing it for me.

I talked to Susey. I talked to Amador. I’ve talked to Leslie. They all said what I’ve told myself a trillion countless times. Nick deserves better. Nick deserves everything that I can offer to give him. Everything I’ve given him so far can only be counted as half assed because of how I still had some sort of an emotional connection to Eric. Well, of course things didn’t start off that way. I was over Eric, until he came back and reawakened some of the thoughts and feelings that I had about him before things started going downhill.

Anyway, like I was saying. Nick does deserve better. He knew I wasn’t over Eric. It hurt him, but he understood that I needed more time, more space. I know it isn’t good for our relationship, and I know it’s stupid but… that’s how things were.

I know you’re probably thinking, “This girl is an IDIOT.” I agree. I never said I wasn’t. I’m all sorts of retarded, yes, I know. Thank you for thinking so as well. I know I never should’ve gotten involved in another relationship while still being so emotionally attached to someone else. I know that no matter what excuse I come up for it, that’s all it’ll be – just an excuse and nothing more. But please try and understand, we didn’t start this way. (Successful attempt to justify? I don’t think so! Right…?)

In any case, like I’ve stated earlier. It’s time for me to move on. I’m letting go.

What Might Have Been, sung by Little Texas, is a song that popped into my head a few nights ago. I put on my status, “Baby, ‘What Hurts the Most’ is ‘What Might Have Been’.” Eric of course, read this and put up his own little status shooting back at me. I don’t remember it now, and I’m not going to bother going through to look for it. The part that clung to me the most is the beginning with the chorus:

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long, long time
I've got a good life now, and I've moved on
So when you cross my mind...

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads.
We can't go back again,
There's no use givin’ in,
And there’s no way to know,
What might have been.

A beautiful, bittersweet melody that can bring all the fond memories of someone you once loved, or still love, who left or you walked away from.

It’s true. I do try not to think about what might have been. But you can’t help it. It’s just such a tempting thought. But I know that if what happened never happened, I’d still be stuck in that abusive relationship and not be as smart as I am now.

I’ve deleted his AIM contacts and his phone number, and I’m working on deleting anything else that electronically binds him to me. Maybe I’ll even get a new number. It’s time I move on. It’s better late than never.

So, I leave you with this. I want to go back to living my life now. I can’t put my life on hold just for you, Eric. We had a good run and by all means let's not forget it. It was a love for the storybooks. You and I wrote it incredibly well.

I’m moving on, baby. I’m moving on…

I love Rascal Flatts… This was one of the first songs that caused me to fall in love with this band:


I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons.
Finally content with a past I regret.
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness.
For once, I'm at peace with myself.
I’ve been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long.
I'm movin' on.

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces.
Each one is different but they're always the same.
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it -
They'll never allow me to change.
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on.

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me.
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone.
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on.
_I’m Moving On // Rascal Flatts

I’m moving on before I lose one of the best people that I’ve ever met. He deserves better. I want to BE that better.

There was a quote that always stuck with me. I think it’s the reason why I tried so hard with Eric. “Behind every strong man is a stronger woman.” I want to be that stronger woman behind the strong man. This is my chance. And I’m taking it.

Goodbye, baby. For the last time.

The Races!

Damn...
Horse racin' is my newest fad..
I can't stop betting - not even a tad!
Someone help me before I get super sad :/
I'm going to lose all my money,
On my awesome new fad...


hahaha.. that was my aim status after spending a whole day at Hollywood Park.
Nick and I pulled a little more than even; we won a whole two dollars!!
I was prettyyy sure we were going to end up in the negs, but... our last bet pulled through.

Here's a tip if you ever decide to bet on horse racing: Try to see the horses walk before you bet. Make sure the horse you're planning on betting on isn't favoring any of it's legs. Make sure it looks good! And another thing, hahaha, make sure not to underestimate any of them. xD Previously injured horse came in first at two lenghts. Incredible!

Bleh. More info later. @ work.
Peace(:

Too Much Excitment in One Day

Let me start of by saying that today was BY FAR the most TERRIFYING day of my LIFE.

Well, year, perhaps.

Alright. So after class and sitting around the house bored I got the bright idea to go hiking. I've been aching to hit the trails again and well, I was having a REALLY shitty morning. Nick was having a bad day so he was annoyed at me and told me not to drive down to base to come see him. I should've disobeyed him.. then none of this would've happened...

Aaron and Mark. Mark is Aaron's friend. They're like brothers. Aaron is in my philosophy class and we've been hanging out and talking a few weeks after the semester started. He was on aim, and so I messaged him asking him if he was busy today. Which he said he wasn't. So I told him what I was planning on doing, and he said he'd be cool with comin' along too. Because he was talking to Mark already and Mark said he too had nothing to do, they both said they'd come. So I picked them up and we headed out to Altadena. I got confused while going there because Nick had called me and the directions to the trail were saved on my phone.

So here's where it all starts. Nick called me, was super annoyed at me, and well - he broke up with me. Sort of. I didn't want to deal with it in front of the others so I asked him if I could call him back. He said that there is no later, just now. Which is why I stayed on the phone with him. Finally he agreed to let me call him back when I could.

We found the road that lead to the trail (freaking NARROW as hell), and parked in the parking lot where we had a brief, but friendly chat with someone from NJ. He was just campin' out in his car and helped Aaron and Mark get a small red soccer ball that was lodged under a car parked near us. I called Nick, and we talked it out and he apologized. He's been havin' a rough week...

So we started on the trail. We got to the waterfall (Millard Canyon Falls), which I wasn't satisfied with. It was beautiful in person - I appreciate nature the way it is - but it wasn't GREAT. The trail to the fall was pretty rough and difficult and we lost the trail a few times, but it was short.


Millard Canyon Falls

I wasn't satisfied. I wanted a longer hike. I had read up on this trail a bit and knew there was another trail that lead to a waterfall that fed the falls we were at. We hiked up a steep rocky, loose gravel and dirt, to look for a trail I knew existed, but didn't know where. I wish I had read the directions I had put on my phone... We made it up, found a trail, followed it (the wrong way first - this lead back down. we went back the right way.), looked over the top of the falls (SCARY!) and continued to hike upstream. The path crossed the stream MANY times and once again, it was pretty difficult. The trail could be easily lost if you weren't looking too closely. After a bit, it merges with another more well worn trail. It was still a difficult hike though. We came upon what I believe is Saucer Branch Falls. However, reading up on the description, I do believe it isn't so. Lol.

Well, we sat and played in these three part falls engorged in the rock. It looked completely PERFECT to just slide down the moss covered areas of the flat rock right into the pools of water below them. Like, no joke. It was GREAT. The pool at the bottom though was the deepest. I definitely could've swam around in it! All the others were like maybe up to my knees or my waist. But the last pool... Man.. It was REALLY nice.

Oh! And there were salamanders in the pool! I saw something stick it's head out of the water to get air and I FREAKED (I was talking about 'The Descent' movie and how we were all gonna die and not make it off the mountain.) but I realized it was just a salamander. SOOO CUTEEE! There were like three just hanging around this bush in the water. I have a picture, but it didn't come out so clear so I won't post it up. Anyway, we had our fun and the clock was hitting four so I wanted to get outta there.



The cold water felt REALLY great on our tired feet. But it was so cold it hurt if you stayed in too long.

Anyway, we left and headed back down the trail. We got to the top of Millard Falls and hiked up the side of the rock surface to find the trail back down(the one we had discovered earlier) and I lead the way down. It was very steep. I wish I had a picture to show what kind of terrain we were working with too. It was difficult and scary. I can't put it into words.

This is the moment my heart stopped beating...

He took a path to the right of me and was about maybe an arms length away. I was hanging onto a tree, easing my way down the precarious trail. He slipped... It didn't look like much at first, until he couldn't regain his footing. He went down the mountain, headed straight towards a tree. He tried to grab it, but his fingers slipped and it swung him around and he continued to slide down the trail. He hit the bottom trail, it looked like he was gonna be able to stop and be okay, but there was a rock.. and he lost his balance... tripped over it.. and went down.

He fell hard. He rolled in all sorts of ways. I screamed his name and he seemed to get up after a few seconds of not moving. Mark and I had been laughing thinking it wasn't going to be serious. But as soon as he went down, I knew it was going to be. Well, he got up looking dazed. He was gritting his teeth and dropped down to the fetal position grabbing his head and shaking it. You could tell he was in a LOT of pain. I kept yelling his name. "Aaron! Aaron! Aaron are you alright?! Aaron!" He didn't respond to any of my calls. Mark and I did our best to scramble down the mountain side, but we too lost our footing along the way but were able to regain it before hitting the bottom. I made it down first.

He sat down on a rock next to the stream...

This is the part that annoyed me of my day (besides the police officer). There were TWO GUYS at the bottom sitting on some rocks near the river with a COOLER. While Mark and I were trying to rush down the mountain and help our friend in need, they sat there on the rocks saying, "Whoa man! That was some gnarly fall!" When Mark and I heard this we were really surprised there were other people on the trail. But we were even more shocked, that no one came to his rescue. They just sat there on the rocks commenting on how he fell. That pissed me off.

Anyway, he sat down on a rock next to the stream. His shirt was torn in a few places and he was gritting his teeth. I asked him if he was okay. He said he was but that it just hurt a lot. One major hole got my attention. I told him he had a hole in his shirt on the shoulder and I asked him if he was okay. He said yeah, just in a lot of pain. I told him I wanted to make sure and asked him if I could look at it. He said, "Yeah, could you?" I stretched out the collar on his shirt to look at his shoulder. I had expected something small... It was a gruesome cut. Blood was beginning to pour out of it.

"Shit. Your shoulder's fucked up. Shit. Shit. Shit." He tried to turn his neck to look at it, but his neck was hurting too. Mark made it to my side and asked me how bad it was. He took a look for himself and agreed with me that it might need stitches. I didn't want to call 911 because we weren't exactly sure how bad it was. It wasn't broken, so it's not TOO serious, but it was still pretty gross.

I ran. I ran as fast as I could back down the trail to where we were parked. It was a difficult trail to begin with, and I almost sprained my ankle going on a dead run over all the rocks. I wanted to reach my car as fast as I could because I had packed a large bottle of water. We had brought two bottles along with us on trail, but had finished them right before heading down the mountainside. As I ran, I came across a few cabins above the trail. I started yelling if anyone was there. No response. I kept running. I was so tired... so hot. I just wanted to wade in the stream until I cooled down. But I kept running. I came upon Millard Campground - the end of our trail. I yelled out once more. But no response. The one family I saw playing earlier must be sleeping. The caretaker? That van looks like it's been parked here for years. I looked at the van. There was a slight hum coming from inside of it. Certainly, someone was inside, no?

I shook my head. I didn't have time for this. I continued to run back down the road towards the parking lot. I got to the parking lot, breathing hard and sweating. I went straight into my car, grabbed my water bottle, slammed the door shut, and ran back up the trail. There were some people standing there looking at me funny, as well as the NJ guy we had spoken to earlier. They didn't bother asking me why I was looking so flustered. I tried running back up the trail, I really did. But the road was so hot, I was wheezing when trying to breathe. My body felt like giving out on me, but I told myself I had to push through for this. I picked up my pace when I could and went running back up the trail.

The water was hot from sitting in my car for a few hours and I didn't know if it would be a good thing or a bad thing. The heat would help with killing some germs, but I knew he would want something cool to drink. I also knew that it was probably best he drank warm water in case he was in shock or whatever the hell it was.

I met them on the trail after a few minutes of jogging.

I made him sit down on a rock next to the water. Mark had helped him take his shirt off earlier and he stood over me as I poured water on his cut. I did the best I could. I rubbed gently over the cut as I poured the hot water over it. He kept grimacing and squirming in pain. I felt so bad. I told him to put his hand in the water, that the coolness might distract him from the pain just a little. He kept squirming away from me... I did the best I could. I looked for a rock in the river that was cool and clean, rinsed it with the hot water, and gently padded the area around the cut that was swelling up pretty badly. Mark filled his empty water bottle up with the stream water and left it in the stream to cool some more.

I looked at the cut. In the center of all the red, I saw a blueish and whiteish tinge. I wasn't sure what I was looking at. I knew it had cut a lot deeper than expected, but it looked like I was looking at his ... I don't know. It looked familiar though. The light blue and the white? I've seen it before. I just couldn't remember where. Thinking about it now, I've seen an operation in my anatomy class where everything was the same color.

Anyway, I told them to pack it up and head down the trail first without me. I had taken my shoes off while trying to treat him and was wading in the water to cool myself down a bit. I didn't even bother drying my feet... well, a little. I put my socks back on and ran back down the trail to meet up with what little ground they gained. I went ahead of them once more to get to the campground. Here, I didn't hesitate. I KNEW there was a steady hum coming from the little motor home thing. I knocked on the window, and there was a rustling from beside me and a voice. I jumped a bit, wasn't expecting that soon of a response. He asked me if I needed any help and I quickly explained what happened, and if he had any sort of antibiotics that I could use to clean the cut with. He said all he had was some peroxide and I was free to use it if I'd like. I asked if I may and he went back to grab me the bottle.

I sat Aaron down at the closest bench when he told me his ankle was starting to act up too. I had checked his torso and under his arms for any cuts while I was washing his cut next to the stream. I had also noticed a small cut behind his ear and some of the skin on his neck rubbed a bit raw. I took of his shoe and his sock to see if there were any cuts around his ankle. There was one, but it wasn't significant. I poured some water on it when the guy came up with the peroxide.

I poured the peroxide on his cut and we all know what happens when you do that. The person squirms in pain and the cut bubbles up all yellow and gross like. I cleaned it three times and dabbed up around the cuts with some toilet paper the caretaker had given me. I gave Mark my keys and told him to get to my car and roll down all the windows to cool it down some before we got there. The guy had instructed me to leave the bottle of peroxide on his hood when I was done, so I sent Aaron on his way while I jogged back and put the bottle on his hood. Some lady came up and asked us if we needed anything. She was coming from the direction of the trail with two dogs, one that was furiously barking at us. We walked back down the trail to the car, Mark didn't know how to work my alarm, he had unlocked the car while pushing the button a couple of times, I ran around the car opening all the doors, and ordered them to get into their seats. I saw the NJ guy peering out his window at us, but there was no time to chat.

"Come on. We need to get you to the hospital." I got into my car, turned my AC on, rolled down the windows, and sped out of the parking lot and back up the road. Once we hit the main road I was speeding maybe 10-15 miles above the speed limit. I passed a van that moved out of it's way for me, when Mark said, "Dude. Cop." And I was like, "GREAT. HE CAN TELL US HOW TO GET TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL!" I had been on the phone with Nick as soon as we got out of the winding road leading to the trails. In my hurry, I accidentally hung up on him - sorry, Nick. Anyway, the cop guy had been about to pull me over because he had barely turned on his lights when I came to a stop before him. I turned my emergency lights on and started waving him up. (I've read an article on how cops want their "victims" to act when pulled over. Getting out of the car would've seemed like a bit of threat to the guy and he could've pulled a gun at me and made things take even longer.) He moved a few feet forward in his car and he looked extremely confused. He turned off his lights and got out of the car and slowly started walking towards me. I leaned out the window and asked him if he knew how to get to the nearest hospital before he even got to my car.

This is pretty much how it went:
"Is this an emergency?"
"My friend fell off the trail and he's bleeding and might need stitches."
Officer looks around at all the passengers in the car and then at Aaron's shoulder.
"Do you need me to call an ambulance?"
And in my head i'm thinking, shit, that's EXPENSIVE.
"No, I just need to get him to a hospital."
Officer looks around some more than says, "Then it isn't an emergency."
And I'm thinking, WTF. HE JUST FELL FIFTY FEET AND THAT ISN'T CONSIDERED AN EMERGENCY?
Officer continues to look around cooly, while I'm about to break down and start crying.
"Well, you shouldn't be speeding. It isn't an emergency."
I'm thinkin', WTF?!
"Can I see your license?"
And I'm like, Shit. He's gonna give me a ticket... Aaron better start faking it really hurts if he starts writing me up...
So I find my wallet, and hand it to him and he stares there lookin' at it for a bit then says, "You guys aren't from around here are you?"
Mark from the backseat: "No, we're not."
Officer: "Well you have no reason to be speeding. It's not an emergency."
Me: "Okay, well, can you tell me how to get to the nearest hospital?"
Officer: "Well.. it's kind of hard to explain."
Me: "Uh huh?"
Officer: "You just take the 210W and... it's kind of hard to explain..."
Me thinking: Wow, this guy is an IDIOT. JUST SPIT IT OUT ALREADY!
Officer: Well, just take this road all the way down until the 210 West and... It's hard to explain.. Well, you're going to Huntington Hospital."
Me: "Uh huh...?"
Officer: Just follow this road down, get on the 210 west, the 110 for California Ave... It's kinda hard to explain.."
Me thinking:OMG JUST TELL ME ALREADY!

Well, he FINALLY told us, gave me my license back, and we went on our way. We got to the emergency room drop off area, dropped them off, I parked in the parking structure, and jogged down the stairs and ran to the emergency room. They were standing there filling out some forms and yeah. He wasn't allowed to drink or eat anything until the nurse saw him, but I snuck him some water. We were all tired and stressed. He needed it more than Mark and I.

They cleaned him up a bit, while Mark and I were joking around about what happened, and after a bit they called him into a room where they asked him questions. Mark and I sat outside and waited. When we walked back into the hospital he was sitting on a chair outside and we asked him what was up. He replied, "An hour and a half wait."

Anyway, when he told us they didn't think it was too serious but it should get checked out just in case, we left.

Drove them to their friend's house where we almost got into a car accident. Laughed and made jokes about it while the lady, who we thought was a man, kept looking back at us and shaking her head.

And I came home.

Too long of a post, i'm ending it there.

Bye.

Mr. Caterpillar.

Winner at a Losing Game // Rascal Flatts<3

Man, I wish I had my camera. :/ I would upload some pictures of it but.. I let Leslie borrow it so tough luck for me. Meh, oh well.

I don't know why.. but my iPod's working against me. I'm sittin' here, on my bed, listening to music that.. well.. gets me thinkin' of him again. I dunno.. I was standing in front of my mirror rubbing aloe vera on my face (i'm sunburned, hahaha. story will come up after.), and I just got to thinking... Maybe it was too soon.

It's sad... I'm still not over him, yet I wouldn't go back to him. No matter how much I want to. It just won't work.. He says he's changed, and he did, for a little while, but he's turning back into the same guy he was before. Maybe he's a little less of an asshole, I'll never know. I can't help but think I want him back. Oh well, either way, it's a lose lose situation for me.

So it's been a long time since i've blogged. Been busy(:

Went to that JROTC ball thing. That was fun.. Nick looked great in his blues and we had a good time(: I feel as if I talked about this before.. hm.. oh well. It was hilarious though. One of the marines there (there were six counting Nick. Three were older though.) addressed Nick when he was about to walk away after I introduced him to the whatever he is. he goes, "Lcpl, can I ask you a question?" And Nick turns around and says, "Sure." And we both thought he was going to ask a question about joining the fleet because the guy had JUST gotten out of boot camp a week ago but he says, "Can you tell me how to put this belt on...?" I tried to stifle the giggles but not too well. He launched into a story about how they never taught them how to put it on and how it's just a square when you first get it in a box and blah blah blah. He was HILARIOUS! After Nick explained everything and showed him how to do it he thanked us and went back to his date. I told him it didn't matter if he wore it correctly or not, he still looked great. Hahaha.. funny kid...

The PFC that asked Nick how to tie his belt is to the far left. That old dude who was the guest speaker (long story about him, very neat guy). Me, and then Nick.

Anyway, so... yeah. Pictures should be coming in on Wed, I was notified. I'm looking forward to receiving them. Omg, just funny stories all around the ball. Like, no joke. I can waste a whole post on it! xD

But yes, uh.. so this weekend was fun. Friday a little after my shift was over Nick came up and we went to dinner. I surprised him over dessert when I gave him my gift. He was wondering why my purse was so bulky. Lol.

I had offered to get him a watch an old family friend of mine was selling for super cheap. It's a bit pricy, especially in these economic times and my no income job, but I still offered to buy it. However, a friend of hers messaged her two minutes before I did about buying it. Oh well. I fell in love with the model of the watch so I went hunting to buy my own. I knew Nick would be bummed out about not receiving the watch after all. He seemed a little relieved though when I told him she sold it to someone else. Haha, so yeah. I went hunting for another watch, same model, different color, without telling him. Nixon Player, all black, real diamond, Japanese quartz hand movements... it's a beauty. He walked into my work when I was about to start wrapping it. Hahaha... Told him to wait outside while I rushed wrapped it real crappy and stuffed it into my purse. Lol.

Anyway, I told him this, "Nick, I know you were really looking forward to that watch I was gonna get you and I felt really bad for not getting it for you." And after he disagreed a few times he finally admitted that he did look forward to it a bit. I kept pressing him to say it(: Anyway, I pulled it out of my purse and said, "So.. I got you a little something else." He looked at me in disbelief and was like, are you serious? and i'm like, yeah..? He finally opened it and .. hahaha.. The look on his face<3...

OMG. My ex pisses me off.. whatever.. It's my fault. I should've dealt with him a long time ago..

Anyway, so yeah. Nick LOVED the watch. I liked it from the moment I first saw it.

So.. Saturday morning, I went to the Bolsa Chica Ecological Reserve aka, Bolsa Chica Wetlands. I arrived thirty forty minutes or so before my class and sat in my car waiting before I finally decided to walk across the street and just look around. I used to volunteer my club there all the time. Good times. We'd always go kayaking after(: Super fun! All the million dollar homes sittin' right on top of that water. Beautiful.

After I got home from that, Nick came over and we went hiking in the Sierra Madres. I've been wanting to go back for forever but the one person I wanted to go with walked out of my life so.. meh. It was great going with Nick. I felt so energetic! It was a beautiful hike. We took the First Water Trail to Hermit Falls. We plan on going the other way instead next time - the trail I went on with my sister, her boyfriend, and his cousin? Yeah.. we got trapped up on the mountain after that... Wildfires.. Scary stuff.

Gah. Got distracted by Chris messaging me. He's over in Iraq right now. Poor guy hurt his knee while working.. :/ I worry about him.. Along with Danny in Afghanistan.

Okay so.. hiking was super fun! The trail we took lead to these waterfalls splashing into these deep pools that trailed on and over the rocks to more granite.. Okay, pretty much? It's a three part waterfall. Each pool being deeper than the other. It looks like a GREAT place to go swimming in the summer! Google 'Hermit Falls' and you can get an idea of what the waterfalls look like. When Nick and I went, we found two ropes that you can use to get to the bottom of the falls. Be CAREFUL - it's a bit dangerous. The rocks are SUPER slippery too. And if you wet your feet, you're sure to slip on this smooth rock surface. I'll ask Nick if he could give me some pictures from his camera. I didn't have mine :/ Let Leslie borrow it, remember?

I almost slipped and could've gotten washed down the first part of the falls. I was trying to hop over the mouth of the fall, but decided to use the small island of rock that the water was running around. Stupid me, hahaha. I hit the water felt my foot slip a little, panicked, and jumped to safety on the other side. The water is just that clear. Thankfully, it wasn't as deep as the area around it so nothing happened. Just a wet foot, shoe, and sock that made me lose even more traction. Haha.. But overall, it's a beautiful fall. I plan on going at least once in the summer to go swimming in it's deepest pool<3

Sunday, I was playing in the sun at the park. I totally got sunburned from playing volleyball. The sun was so bright... I had a fun time though. Besides the fact my skin was acting up (I have a bit of a skin problem, it's hereditary but only I seem to have it.) and I was getting super itchy and bumpy but I survived. And my sunburn isn't even that bad at all(:

Came home. Nick was waiting for me for like half an hour or so. Yikes. We watched a movie, my parents invited him to stay for dinner, ate dinner, he napped while I finished my homework, and I sent him home.

I can't WAIT to go hiking again! I'm planning on going again on the 16th. Trying to get a small group together so we can carpool. Anyone interested? Just shoot me a message(: Or a text.

So, hiking. Sierra Madres. I plan on going on the trail to Sturtevant Falls. May 16, 2009. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. But seriously, hiking. It's SUPER fun<3 I wanna make this a monthly thing. Lets totally go!

With much love,
Sarah

EDIT: OMG. I forgot to explain the title of my blog, lol. Winner at a Losing Game by Rascal Flatts. I'm a HUGE Rascal Flatts fan. But it's true. I won at a losing game. I've fell in love with something that'll never happen. Great song, give it a listen. Peace out.

PTSD - USMC, USAF, USCC, etc.

Looking to interview military men/women diagnosed with PTSD.

Must have served overseas, recently or not does not matter.

Anddddd, be willing to be interviewed.

Interview by phone, person, email, or instant messaging - I don't care. I just need interviews.

Thanks(:

EDIT:
This is for a research paper!
Please comment or email me if interested.
Email: sar4hju@gmail.com

Observe

So I'll start with Friday.

Friday was a field trip with my English class to the Griffith Observatory.

Got off work, went to go pick up Amador, and we headed to the Observatory ourselves. Man, the traffic was HORRIBLE.

After we finally arrived, found a parking spot on the hill, we ran up to look for the rest of the class. We had just seen the bus driving back down on our way up so we knew they had to be around somewhere. They were all standing next to the railing on the right side of the observatory. Amador and I gathered in with the rest of them and stroke up conversations with the others. Brian and his mother soon walked over and we were all just talking. The professor showed up, we gave him the money, and we went on our way into the observatory. After a bit of looking around he herded us down the steps and into a theater where we watched a video narreratied by Leonard Nimoy, the guy who played Spock or w/e. The video informed us about how the observatory had changed and how they had built under it. It had been under construction for.. four years? I don't remember, honestly. Lol.

Anyway, after it he made us walk down a slightly turning hallway back into the room the theater was right next to. So pretty much, in a circle. The wall of the hallway however showed artifacts from millions of years ago, or something like that. It was quite nice and shiny. Very pretty stuff inside the case leading down to the end of the hall.

After exploring the room with the 'Big Picture' and the planets, we headed back up to watch the Center of the Universe show. I remember it was my most favorite thing when I visited as a child. I enjoyed it once more. After that we were free to explore the rest of the museum. Which Amador and I did quite actively. There were little games of tag between Veronica, Brian, Brian's mother, Amador, and I. Amador, Brian and I ended up running around the front lawn of the observatory tagging each other while waiting in line for a look at Mercury and Saturn. It felt good to be playing little games like a kid again. We headed up to the telescope and cut in line behind the professor and his girlfriend to look at Saturn through the Zeiss telescope.

It was pretty damn neat(:

So Saturday I met Nick at the Irvine Spectrum to go shopping for a dress for the ball. Which, we found no luck doing. Well, there was one dress that we both liked, but I already have something a bit similar to it so I thought it pointless. He's wearing his Dress Blues - SEXYYYYYYYYYASS uniform. Honestly though, I can't seem to find anything that would compliment it. :/ So I plan on just wearing a teacup length dress that's black. Maybe just the dress I wore for the Marine Corps Ball. Except.. that ball was MUCH bigger and WAYY more formal. >__< I was TOTALLY under dressed. Rofl. Never have I seen so many Marines in their Blues either. Hahahaha.

Had a pretty good time Saturday. I was force feeding giant heaping spoon fulls of ice cream into Nick's mouth(: Then we had dinner, and watched a movie.

I headed home soon after. It was gettin' late.

And today.. Well, Nick's on his way up from base. He's almost here. Few more minutes. We're going to make lunch together and head over to the observatory. I wonder if my parents would be interested in going? Hm.. I should invite them.

Hehe.. Nick's been spoiling me, so now I feel as if it's my turn to spoil him. Besides paying for the movie, and ice cream yesterday, I think i'll try to chip in whenever I possibly can.

My wrist hurts, and Nick's here(:

Peace out, ladies.

I like the colors in this picture i took(:

1-2-3-4 I Love Marine Corps...

Back now!

Traffic on the freeway.. and when I got home I noticed there was no rice so I decided to make some so my dad would have something to eat when he got home. He got home while I was washing it though :/ oh well...

Mom's at some meeting thing. Not too sure what, but if she ain't home to notice no rice, no one else is gonna make it. Well, dad might, but he might come home hungry and no one likes waiting.. >__<

So... yes, I was talking about the military, no?

Marines. Beautiful uniforms. Desert cammies and blues are my favorites<3 Some guys just look SOOOOOOO FRIGGIN' HOT all dressed up... I always did like seeing Eric in his uniform. Whenever he'd drive up from base right after work... It made me wanna just pounce on him and give him orders to do what i want. rofl.. anyway... MOVING ON! hahaha...

So Jesse's joining the Marines. He swore in earlier today. I do believe we went to the same school since middle school. We're not incredibly close friends, more or less just acquaintances, but I still do worry about him. We had this project together in our sophmore year. Making a news cast thing. I pretty much did all the work, and they just read what I wrote, but... at least he TRIED to help. He's a real nice guy. A vegetarian, but soon to be meat eater because he's goin' into the Marines. I feel bad.. I'm giving him such a hard time about his decision. :/ I promise him i'd write though and that i'd visit. He promised me to invite me to the Ball this November if we're both still in Cali.

Back to families with soldiers. Do you know what it's like waiting up at night for a call from someone overseas? My sister dated a Marine a few years back. It was his second deployment to Iraq. He was a grunt, in other words, infantry. We would wake up in literally the middle of the night (and i'm a late sleeper) because he would call the house phone and my sister wouldn't get to it fast enough.

Let's go back though to how I met Jason, my sister's ex. The first time I met him, he had found out his girlfriend had been cheating on him for already who knows how long. He had done everything for her too. Bought her everything she wanted, and even went to three different malls looking for a scarf that she wanted. He really spoils his girlfriends, i'm assuming. I was sleeping outside in the living room on a mattress because my room was... I forgot what but I couldn't sleep in it. It was dark, and he came over to my corner of the living room and sat down next to the bed with his back facing to me. He asked me what my name was, and I gave him a fake name and giggled. He shook my hand and told me his name and launched into a story that brought me to tears.

He had just gotten back from his first deployment in Iraq and had gone to visit his girlfriend when he found pictures of her making out with the other guy and what not. She confessed to have been cheating on him.. or did she deny it? Whatever, that's not the part that made me want to cry. The part that made me cry was when he started talking about his tour. How everyone's mentality was "It's better you than me" and how he had seen the deaths of so many people. Was ordered to point and shoot. How they had to rush into buildings not knowing what was in store for them... Just thinking about all of it now is making my eyes a bit watery. You had to have been there... He was going through so many emotions while telling me his story. Then he started crying. He said no one here knew what it was like to do what he had to do, to look into the eyes of a stranger pointing a gun at him, and shoot before the other guy could pull the trigger. What it's like walking down a street with body armor on, or watching the people around you fall to the ground dead. He lost a few of his friends out there and he sat there and cried, "Why them? Why not me?"

I don't want to talk about this anymore... It's hurting. :/

We had a scare when he was over there the second time. Something blew up next to him or he was shot or something.. All I know is that there was a call... someone asked to speak to my sister, and she came back out of the room saying, "Something's happened to Jason...." I can't recall what happened exactly. Just that he was injured some how and he had told his friend to call my sister and tell them what happened. Thinking about it.. I think it had something to do with his back. Something blew up and a piece of it was in his back. Or maybe that was someone else.. Oh, I dunno.

Anyway, I can't tell you what Iraq is like now. My friends don't really talk about it. Nick came back a few months ago. Or is it a couple now? Time passes by so quickly.. He was working convoy security and he was a machine gunner on top of a 7-ton or a 3-ton. I can't remember.. Does such a thing exist (7-ton)? Lol.

Okay, whatever. I want to get over this topic...

POINT IS, our military personnel deserve respect. Most of them anyway. Some of them are complete idiots that I want to punch in the face. Haha.. that reminds me.. I punched one of Nick's sergents in the face. O.o IT WAS LIGHT THOUGH I SWEAR! I was a bit drunk but I felt REALLY bad. However, apparently his wife hits him all the time. Rofl. His wife is so nice(: She's awesome. OKAY, back to the point! Sorry. I have an attention problem.. lol.

So yes. Respect for them. I mean.. when it comes to the military .. my feelings for them are quite confusing. I'm for them, but against them. I guess it's just because of my run in with bad Marines. Meh. But I respect those out there that are serving the country. Like in all seriousness? I'd join the military too. Except my parents would kill me if I did.

I once lied to my mom saying I was joining the National Guard because I wanted to help out in the community in times of need and she FLIPPED out. She had asked me what I was doing with a book and pens and stuff from the National Guard (I had been talking with recruiters just for conversation. I outsmarted one. Haha, and the GySgt gave me his card for me to call if I had any questions). It was sad, but funny. She started crying and yelling and throwing things at me. So that's that. :/

Whenever I drive down to base, or around base, or see another military person walking around or .. anything, I think of my ex. I don't know why... Whenever I see anything military - or almost anything in general - I think of my ex. I feel so wrong when I do that.. I mean, I have a boyfriend, he's a Marine too, but... all I can think about is Eric? That's like.. practically cheating to me. I feel so guilty when I do it. I just wish I could get over him already. *Sigh*

Don't get me wrong. I love my Marine guy friends but... I don't know.. It's all just.. It's hard to explain.

*Sigh* I don't feel like talking about this anymore.. It puts me in a depressed mood...


God bless our troops no matter what their service branch.
Bring our troops home safely<3


and lastly?,
God bless America.
Our home, sweet home.

Goodnight everyone.
And thank you to all the troops who served, are serving right now, and to serve.
Thank you.

Just a Dream // Carrie Underwood & It Happens // Sugarland

Man.. this song is STUCKK in my head! So true too!

So i'm sittin' here at work - bored. Today's not even a day i work. -___-" Whatever though. Family come's first right? Shucks... I was planning on going riding with Leslie today too. Little grey arabian mare I'm looking forward to meet next time I go with her to the stables. They've never taken her ridin' so they don't know how she is on trail. I wonder if they'll let me ride her after Lady, the little grey arabian, gets her hooves trimmed.

So lets see... Oh. My ex showed up at bowling on Tuesday. Not many of you know this but a few buddies and I go bowling EVERY Tuesday. Well, almost every Tuesday. Anyway, one of the buddies that always goes is Tim - my ex's bro. We always grab some Rubio's fish tacos before we head over to the alley and after I make reservations. It's cool, the guy remembers me there now. :D I bought him a fish taco too. Hahaha. Anyway, yeah.. Bowling was alright. Just sorta bugged me that he was there. I saw his bro walk over to his car and I was like - whatever. So Amador and I headed into the alley when I looked up and BAM. He was just standing there. I like froze in the middle of taking another step forward, stepped backward a bit, shook my head a lil, and continued to walk to the counter where the guy was like, "Oh! Sarah, right?" Eric the ex also said, "What? You make it look like you're suprised to see me." when I did my little deer in the headlights look. Yeah, I WAS suprised to see him.

Oh, I ALSO forgot to mention. Eric found my blogspot. Who knows how he did it, but he did. So Eric if you're reading this... that's not cool. -___-" However, i'm sure you enjoyed reading whatever I wrote about you from before. Sorry to say, but i'm not gonna edit anything, or start censoring myself because I know you read my posts. I'm going to keep pretending you don't know. I'm actually waiting for you to grow the balls and start commenting on my posts(:

Okay, class. I lied. Well, a little. I honestly WAS sick though. Instead of going to class yesterday, I drove down to Camp Pendleton to have lunch with Nick and his shop. Hahaha... it was an.. interesting experience. Professor Hsiao, I know you read this too. And i'm sorry. I found some of those little chewable pills Nick gave me for my hangover while I was at work and that took the rest of my sickness right out the window. I don't remember why they're in my glove compartment... oh well. However, I DO believe in karma.

My sister called in sick to work and went snowboarding with her boyfriend and two other friends. On her way back down the mountain, she, out of all the others, got to hit the lucky spot of back ice. Her car slid, turned, and she hit a gas tanker. Freak accident right? But luckily she hit the front tire and the car MISSED the whole tank until it hit the rear tire of the truck. Whew - no? Well, her car was titled totaled. Something about a chassis? The impact was at a slow speed, the tanker was full of gas (thank GOD they missed - spark + full tanker w/ 2 trailors = DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN), and bleh. yeah. Sorry - i lost my train of thought. There's a guy inf ront of the shop in the parking lot and i SWEAR he's peeing in the bushes! I know, I know. You're thinkin' i'm a pervert for watching but.. dude - it's like RIGHT in front of me. >___<

Oh right, back to the karma thing. So she got a new car (09 Acura TSX), but likes you know.. karma. She called into work sick, and her car got messed up. I called into class sick (which I actually really was - no joke. but 4 o'clock came w/ them pills and i was just dandy again), and now i'm stuck at work and not being able to go riding. T____T you guys KNOW I love them horses<3

I dunno. the thought of investing into one just.. blehs me. Maybe I should've bought that horse two summers ago, or accepted those free offers on a horse. Meh.

*Yawn* So i'm tired. Nick had duty Monday and I was tryin' to stay up on the phone with him. I failed pretty badly though. Rofl. Tuesday I went to class in the morning, came home, talked to Leslie about the horses at the stables, went to Aaron's house (guy in my phil class in the morning. also the same room as hsaio's class) to bake cupcakes (that came out flat or lopsided. ROFL.), went to pick up Amador to go bowling... blah blah blah you read that stuff earlier.

OMG after bowling, Tim and his friend James invited James' friend who brought pot and they were smoking it and I was getting disgusted by it and the security guard walked up and was like, "You guys can't smoke that stuff here. You gotta go to the back and do it." And they were like, "Oh shit, alright. Sorry man." And Amador was like, dude, wanna get outta here? and i was like, TOTALLY.

So yeah... Just had to take Amador home so I got home pretty early. About 2330? 11:30PM, guys. -__-" learn your military time.

Uh.. so yeah.. that was about it... weds woke up was like feelin' sick.. went to class... talked to the professor, offered my help if he ever needed it (some static nerve gone bad and he had crutches so I was a bit worried), came home.. slept. Did hw, slept. found pills. nick called... blah blah blah.


OMG OMG OMG. SO LIKE. ughhhhh! my friend Jesse, officially has sworn into the marine corps. < / 3 I begged him not to... but he did.. I was like crying in the car drivin' home from work yesterday. All the memories just like.. FLOODED me. All the emotions... and it wasn't helpin' that my ipod was playin' all these military songs and crap. T_____T

Carrie Underwood's song "Just a Dream" was something I could feel as if I could relate to. Except.. it makes me think of Eric. That was his ringtone. The part of the song where she sings, "Then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him. Oh, and what could've been. Then the guns rang, one last shot, and it felt like a bullet in her heart..."

Eric had been on the list to deploy and I was scared. I was afraid - I admit it. All the mental stress you get from being put into a whole new enviornment? *Sigh* It ain't easy. Anyway... yeah. The song, it's quite a beautiful song... sad, but beautiful. And quite popular with them military wives. They know what it's like to lose their husband overseas and hoping that when they get the news, all of it is just really a dream. A very bad dream. Have a listen some time. It made me cry and STILL makes me cry.

I mean think of it. The news of people dying overseas is old to us. We just sit there and go, "oh, that sucks." and just go on with our own lives. You don't think about the families and people affected by that death. I see all of it. and the emotion drives me insane...

Uhh.. I'll be back soon.. i'll just publish it as the other post. Time to close up shop and head home...


Support our troops - not the ones that mislead them.
Every single one.
Every death affects a person - good OR bad.
Our soldiers need our support. Even the asshole ones.

Gotta go. Peace.