Konstantine. (n)
1.Someone you love unconditionally.
2.Is more than likely your first true love.
Defined by UrbanDictionary.com
My obsession to the song 'Konstantine' has lead me to my new screen name for aim. Hahaha. It's in my profile if you care to see(:
So, lately I've been having a rough few days. Hardly been getting any sleep due to the assignments my english professor keeps handing out. Tonight, I've got two more essays to do. One (really three essays put into one) to revise over the ones I did last night because he doesn't "have the time to check your papers." Because, he'll "be busy with your other papers all this weekend." So he returned it back to us after peer editing and told us to correct, then turn it in for the weekend. -___-" Whatever. It's his life. Seriously? The assignments he gives us are so POINTLESS. It's quite frustrating. It makes me miss my english 100 class. T___T What i'll miss most about that class are the people in it. Sure i'm keeping in touch with a few but, that's about it.
So due to lack of sleep, the past two days... I've been sleeping in my first class. I know, I feel horrible about it. Especially because Sliff is the only professor I totally, totally, TOTALLY respect. He's so awesome. xD But .. just so BORINGG. I've completely knocked out the past two days in his class, and I know he sees me because I only sit in the second row but I can't help it. I'm sorry, Professor. Honest. >__< I get my work done though... Plus, I think he likes me(: He's just SOOO nice. Anyway, moving on...
So lets see... I was on the phone with Amador last night. I've been also a bit depressed while being completely stressed out by school. Amador says it's completely normal for me to feel this way, but he also advised me on decisions and such that I won't get into much detail on. The outcome is simple, but it's easier said than done. He knows this. I know this. We all know this. We know what's good for us, but can't achieve it because of the pain, or distractions along the way. It's like.. they show up on your door and they stick their foot in while you're trying to close it shut. Then they start pushing and shoving - throwing their weight against the door! And your foot starts slipping... You start losing ground... the door swings open a little wider and the wind just hits you. Hard. So you're standing there with them standing in your doorway shocked at the icy wind that's roaring right into your face. You struggle against it and attempt to close the door once more. They push back and you start crying because of all the stress they're putting you through. You want them to understand you just want to be left alone so you can just forget about them. But no matter how hard you try that foot stays in the door...
Bleh. I'm not sure if you get what I mean. I need my sleep. Hahaha...
Anyway, I guess it's just memories that get to me. Yesterday was Tim's birthday. Some of you are familiar with who he is, and some of you have actually met him. He turned 21. I'm sure he had quite the party and is completely hungover. Same with his brother. I'm sure they all headed to some club and got piss drunk. I find it depressing and disturbing to think of them drunk and at some club, or just drunk in general. *shrug* But that's not a place for me to venture into.
July 30th, 2009. He turns 23. Eric that is. Hah.. I've never realized how old he was... Then again, age catches up with us all. It just never occurred to me a birthday of his would go by without me fussing over what to get him. I guess that's changed for good. Heh... I suppose it's for the better. I held him back from doing the things he wanted. Never wanted him to smoke or drink and I guess that's what he loved to do. Marines, what can you say? However, there are some pretty nice Marines out there. To the few I constantly talk to, hahaha. You boys are hilarious.
So where was I..? Ah yes. I had intentions of dropping by their aunt's house and dropping a gift off, but... I think I would be the one hurt more. There's the possibility that I might come home a day or two after and find their unwrapped presents sitting on my porch. I'm not suprised.. sounds like something Eric would do. I mean.. look at what he did after we broke up. *shrug* Once again, trying to stay up on top here.. HAPPY FACE.
So I thought instead of a gift, just a card. Then I thought why not just mail them each a card... And then... I thought, no. Let them go on with their lives. I suppose none of us were really meant to be paired together. Including the two brothers. They seem like complete opposites... Anyway, I just thought of the most perfect - well, not perfect but decent - gift for Eric as well as Tim. Hahahaha, oh well. That'll never happen. Maybe in a few years we'll meet again. I guess we'll never know.
I want to stop writing now.. about all that. About them. About him. Happy thoughts, right? Haha. I sound like my own therapist...
Beach. Last year, I would go to the beach in the middle of the night and we'd all just run right on into the water. Earliest we'd head over is about 12AM. Beautiful nights. Beautiful times. Beautiful memories with some great friends(: I'll never forget our summer midnights spent at the beach. We'd swim for two hours or so, and get home around 3am. I miss that. I miss them...
I've only gone to the beach once this summer. Like, the actual sand beach. It's pretty pathetic, I know, but i've been occupied with work and school. Went with an old friend from high school, freshman year. His girlfriend was visiting from Idaho and she wanted to go to the beach one last time. So we went. Oh, and I invited James. He's never gone in at night and we stayed at the beach till about nine. It was nice. It was warm (in the water anyway!) and I had a pretty good time in the water. No one wanted to compete with me for going the furthest out. Completely not fair either, I couldn't even touch the ground. -___-" Nick met us there.. he didn't do anything but sit on the beach towel I brought. He needed to get his phone replaced and sent it to my place. Wanted to come pick it up asap and since I was going to be at the beach he agreed to meet me there.
I'm not sure if I ever posted about my paddle surfing adventure. Hahaha. It was pretty nice. While we were all lounging around on the dock these guys on a bridge a few feet away started trying to do tricks on their skateboards. One of the guys who works there (I actually don't think he does, he just hangs out there and knows the guy who owns the place) pointed out to us that they were only doing that because they were trying to impress us girls. Too bad we didn't notice. We were enjoying the sun too much. It was SUCH a perfect summer day though. Paddle surfing in the harbor. Meeting new people. Swimming in the harbor. Laying around on the dock letting the warm sun beat down on us. Helping out with the customers. Helping out with the finishing touches of another water boat/board like thing. o.O That one glides SOOO smoothly in the water. It's beautiful to see. I plan on heading over again sometime this weekend if I have the chance. Most likely Sunday.
But man, I really miss the beach... I'm aching to go again.
Well, I'm gonna go turn in for a much needed nap.
Goodnight(:
Edit: All or Nothing // O-Town.
The first song i've ever slow danced to. hahaha.
Do you remember?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Funny how you write this knowing I'm going to read it, yet you completely avoid me. It's okay. I took it upon myself to give you a gift on my birthday. Hopefully you can enjoy the poem as much as I did. It's located on the front cover. And you got it wrong. I'm 22. Not 23.
ReplyDeleteThe irony of the whole thing is that I quit smoking for good yesterday. Ask Tim about that.
I still have a few memoirs. I gave you probably the most treasured one I had left yesterday. But yeah. I hope you're doing good and you have a great time. I'm too confused over the whole thing that I'm just going to stay away. There's no point in me lingering around only to be pissed at myself for what happened. There's a nice sting to it that I tell myself to swallow every time I end up visiting your house or passing Florence before the 605/5 junction.
As for how we spent the two nights. Lol. I spent them sleepless. I drove home twice this week so far, just to have a few beers with Tim. Nothing large. We didn't go to a bar like I had wanted, but then again, I'm on economy mode because of some unforeseen circumstances. So we had some fast food, beers, cigarettes (on his birthday), and chatted and enjoyed ourselves. I'm reserving my drink to black out sprees for life shattering events.