Anger at some of the past decisions I made, some of the "friends" that I had, and most particularly, anger at the one person who made me realize what I had. What I've been cursed with.
There's still one female in my life that gets me angry. She was a "friend" that "only wanted the best" for me. Just thinking about her now gets me heated up... The whole time she was getting friendly with a certain someone. But this is what gets me, even though her mistakes (although she may not believe they were) caused me a substantial amount of grief, I feel as if I cannot blame her for it. I was in love, and she was in lust. That’s just the way the world turns. She had turned my world completely upside down as she stood whispering her devious little charms into his ear… I could blame her, but it wasn’t really her fault. I could blame the other girl, but it wasn’t her fault either. I could blame him, but it wasn’t his fault either. It was mine. It was all me. Me and this crummy heart that lets everyone get the best of me.
It’s sad… I see these things happening but I always tell myself to let them have the benefit of the doubt. But that’s just the thing – I have no doubts about certain people. And looking back on it now, these were the ones I was right about. So why couldn’t I save myself from the pain and just get out while I could?
Like I said, I’ve realized I’ve been cursed. Throughout my life, I always let people walk all over me. As much as it didn’t seem like it, I did. I honestly, really did. In all realities, it should be coined as “trampled” all over me. That seems more appropriate. I’m too nice. I can’t speak up about certain things even if it’s harming me. Of course, I eventually draw the line, but I’m certain I still let things go too far.
I have some great friends that look out for me, and these are the people I’ve never had any doubt about. One in particular sticks out in my mind. We grew up with completely different environments but we understand each other. We look out for each other. We don’t exactly look like the normal pair together, but it works. We’re a lot alike aside from the differences in society we live in and grew up in.
I believe we can all be friends (SEE! THERE! My kind heart prevails… T___T). I probably also sound like a hippie by saying that, but it’s true. A visit from someone who once was a close friend made me realize that I hope some time in the future we’re friends again. Even after all the pain we put each other through or had whispered into our ears. I saw our meeting going a little differently in my head a little bit after this associate left. Like I’ve said before, my life is like a drama-filled movie.
Due to this horrible curse, I find myself constantly going out of my way to help people. For instance, last night I signed up with some modeling/acting agency because a friend’s friend needed fifteen recruits. I find that hilarious. Especially because she just called me asking me if I was still interested in showing up. Sure I’m interested, I just don’t have the time, sadly. I wouldn’t mind playing the snooty “Oh-I’m-so-much-better-than-you” attitude. But of course, I wouldn’t have the chance to. I’m not pretty enough or take care of myself enough to go into that line of work. Haha. Anyway, i enjoy getting my hands dirty from time to time. Wouldn’t be something I’d want to do for more than an hour a day. Unless I was getting paid serious money, then I’d totally do it…
Anyway, I think that’s enough chat for now… been so boreddd lately at night. Nic’s in Texas for some training new recruits’ thing or something. Nick’s gone to bed. Steve is busy with the whole war veterans thing he runs now for the government. Trey’s deployed in Cuba. Which reminds me… I need to send Danny a care package in Afghanistan. School’s started, and the professor’s been able to talk the dean into letting two more people in so I’m back in geology (any tutors out there interested in tutoring me, message me. Hahahaha.). And, if I get all my classes next semester, I can transfer by the end of it! All the matter of choosing what college and what major… :/ very difficult decision…
Another thing… you know what bugs me? Guys that think that all girls love being pampered. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t mind going to a fancy restaurant now and then but it doesn’t have to be ALL the time. I’m perfectly happy with a hole-in-the-wall place as long as they serve some decent food. Haha. Honestly though, it’s a waste of time! Apparently we have reservations to some place tomorrow night. He won’t tell me anything, not where it is, or even how I should dress! Ugh. I’m certainly excited, but I’m kind of annoyed… He really doesn’t need to spoil me. :/ Like I said, I enjoy getting my hands dirty too. I love my Gerry(: <3 he’s so sweet.
As for now, I think I’ll go hunt down a snack. Haven’t had anything to eat all day and I’m in need of some sort of nourishment. Been stuck at work all day. :/ Once again, my crappy nice personality drives me INSANE. I’m going to starve to death because of it. Haha. The curse of a kind, forgiving heart. CURSE.
Peace, ladies.
Yummie strawberry soda!! :D It really honestly does taste like strawberry soda... hahaha.
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