Warning: This will be another vent post...
Okay, so like.. I had a pretty damn good weekend. Minus a few things. Nick and I spent pretty much the WHOLLEEE weekend together(: Friday morning he drove up from base and we went on a field trip to the Museum of Tolerance with my English class. We got into a few arguments during the trip (i'm sure some of you noticed - especially on the bus ride back), but in the end we worked it all out. We had dinner, and then went and got him a hotel room for the weekend. We planned to have a small party with a few of my friends that night, but... we got stood up. Lol. Anyway, so I sneaked out with the excuse of sleeping over at my neighbor's but he picked me up and we went back to his room. We had a beer, and watched a movie and some shows on the History Channel, and then knocked out. Saturday morning, we slept in, watched more movies while having a beer (I hardly ever drink. This was like a strawberry soda though, how could i pass it up?!), and we slept some more. Actually, I do believe we spent the whole day sleeping. Well, he was sleeping, I was cleaning the room and watching tv shows. He dropped me off at home later that night, and Sunday afternoon immediately after church, he picked me up from home. We then we headed to Artesia to the Insight Shooting range. We rented a rifle and he taught me how to shoot. He praised at how well I did, and I praised him forbeing such a patient teacher and teaching me about the gun. We went out to lunch at the Citadel, and then headed back to his hotel room. From there, he started teaching me how to defend myself incase someone tried to chloroform me or just grab me from behind (due to a story I told him about a girl getting kidnapped.. long story. sad story.). And then he dropped me back off at home.
Rofl. I knocked out last night. Anyway, I'm in a better mood now(: So where was I? Yes. Okay, he dropped me back off at home, where I said once again I was going to Leslie's house and he picked me up to go back to the hotel room. We had some to drink, and watched a couple episodes of Paranormal State, and a few other tv shows. I was feeling sick so he put a trashcan on my side of the bed and I fell asleep next to him. Woke up with a small headache but decent. After he finally woke up, checked out while I tidyed up the room a bit, we left to Cerritos Mall. Spent some time there, headed back to Downey, went to Midori, decided to go to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art), mapquest got us lost, ended up in Inglewood, stopped at an Autozone? - i think - switched out his air filter and cleaned the interior of the car, decided to go to Universal Studios, got lost again, found our bearing, i wanted to go to citywalk instead, we walked around, ate at something Boca, went to the oxygen bar, shared a crepe, watched a movie, and he dropped me off at home.
Now, throughout all this, my ex was texting me or calling me. Of course I never responded or answered until he said, "Yeah. Thanks for standing me up today." and I was like, oh shit, yeah. Sorry. Hahahaha... I totally forgot I had said if he wanted to we could hang out Monday. Well, my bad. Anyway, it bugs me that I'm still required to have my life revolve around him even when we're not together. He knows nothing of Nick, suspected it, dunno if he still does, but there's no confirmations. And he said to me, "Don't let yourself be so easily led on." HAH, Eric. I'm not.
There he is, twiddling his thumbs, wishing he could have me back. I will have to say, I really am the best he could've done. No offense or anything, but I realize that I really was too good for him. Now I sound cocky, but i'm serious. Everyone was like, "What the hell are you doing with him, Sarah? You can do SOOO much better." Even his own brother asked me that question. He acts like I still have to answer to him. That the sun in my life is him. No, that was three years ago. I stood it for three damn years, and i'm SICK of it. I wanna talk about ME (Toby Keith). He was never good to me, and I realize that. He says he treated me like a queen. BULLLSHIIITTT. If anything, I treated him like a king, and he treated me as some servant that was only worthy of wiping the shit offa his shoe.
Why 'Broken Wing'? Because I would tell him about my dreams, I did treat him like he was the last man on earth while giving him everything that I had. And he did just laugh in my face. Didn't believe I could do the things I dreamed of. Why couldn't I become a teacher? Why don't you think I wouldn't be able to become a marine biologist? I have to say I regret wasting so much time with him - giving him everything I had. What do I have to show for it? Nothing. What does he have to show from what was leftover from our love? Letters from boot camp (if he didn't burn them), a blanket he sleeps under every night in the barracks (my thumbs were so sore from crocheting that thing. oh! and he's threatening to burn it! so SWEET of him.)... But no. I'm not saying he didn't pull his own weight in the relationship. When he had his car, he would drive up from base to see me. If he didn't have his car, he would pay someone for a ride up here. He would go out of his way from time to time to come visit me. But what bugs me the most is that whenever we 'hung out', he would be sitting on his laptop playing some game. I would have to borrow the car and drive him and his brother around. Oh, and buy them dinner too.
OMG. ANDDD, this kid has the nerve to call me a 16 yr old stuck in an 18 yr old's body. He said that he should just give up on letting me have a chance with him, and look for someone older. Oh, FUCK YOU, ERIC. Yeah, I'm really the kid alright. I don't fucking sit around at home, or after work in my room playing Maplestory or DOTA or on stupid 4chan. My GOD, eric. I was never worth your time when something like that came up. You said I was boring, when you were boring the crap outta me. You said I was boring, but who's missin' who more now? Yeah, so what if I miss you? I've done better, and even though I love you, I won't go back to you.
But as Cauterize puts it,
"May I have this dance because the moments passing
I hate this song and it's just not lasting
I'll scream in your ear off time and out of tune
Just know I was happy being miserable with you "
Okay, i'm just going to stop now. Yeah, i'm not over him quite just yet, but I have Nick now. And he's so much nicer of a man than Eric ever was. Give it a few years, and maybe Eric will grow up. But walking away is better for my heart and health. I'm never going to stop loving him - I know this. But i'm done waiting around for him to change. He wanted me to change before he decided to change, and so I did. I changed my direction. And through this I'm becoming a better person - hopefully.
I may come off as a bitch sometimes, and I apologize. I'm just trying my best to make a change for the better in this world, but I'm only human. I have my bad days too. I'm working on it though. I'm a work in progress, just like my life(:
*Sigh* Man, I love Cauterize.. I can't believe they broke up.. Their lyrics were so awesomee..
by reading this fine print, you are agreeing that your soul now belongs to me and you will serve me for as many years as I please.
Hehe, if you just read that, you're my biatch! So dust your shoulders, because I like my b!tches clean.
JUST JOKESS. (:
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