So, i've noticed I haven't posted in forever. Why? Because there's just been so much drama going on. Ugh! So the ex found out Nick and I are dating and flipped out on me blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship and what not. Pshttt, nigga please. And then he got put into therapy and anti-depression pills, and apparently is a completely different person. He also pointed fingers at Nick saying he was the one that convinced him to break up with me. Oh c'mon, right? How childish. Anyway, he's been dyin' to get me back. Kinda creepy. Nick ain't happy at all about him hanging around and banned him from my house (not that that's stopping Eric.). I don't know.. he's begging for a second chance and I just keep striking back at him the way he did me. It's interesting how the tables have turned. He told me I was playing the "devil's advocate". I just told him this was how he always treated me whenever I was begging him not to break up with me. Now who's on top? --Oops, accidently pushed enter and it uploaded my post. >___< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">killin' me to not give him a second chance. I'm not over him. Nick knows this too. But I know it's better for me to be with Nick. He doesn't abuse me the way Eric did. I'm not left crying almost every night and i'm getting fat and spoiled (a negative thing, yes I know.).
Eric blamed everything he did, all his actions, on how he was depressed and angry. And whenever he blew up, he'd blow up on me because I was the one closest to him. He finally realized that I was the one that made him happy. He told me if he could have any wish in the world, it would be to have a second chance with me. Not for another girl to love him as much as I did, or a billion dollars. Just a second chance with me. He said some pretty cute stuff that would've sent me straight back into his arms, but I was prepared for all of this. He claims he's willing to give up everything for another chance with me. But fact is, I don't think I can do it.
Think about it, it's taken him three years and a month or so of therapy for him to realize that he loves me? He says every "I love you" he said to me he meant. But it's kinda hard to mean something when you don't realize how much that person really means to you, right? So doesn't that mean he was lying then, and lying now? No, he's experiencing a love from me too late. He had every chance in the world when he was with me. I thought I was the one failing in the relationship and looking back now, it was him that made me feel guilty - who made me feel weak. That I was never good enough. He was always putting me down, leaving me for his games, friends or some other addiction (smoking or alcohol). And he apologizes for all of it now, blaming it once more on his anger and depression...
But you know what? I'm over it. I've got to get over it... No matter how much I want him back, I've got Nick. And Nick.... I wouldn't give him up for anyone. Not even for Eric.
The thing is, I guess I saw it coming. At first, anyway. I thought it was really over, and now... well... the tables have turned...
Carrie Underwood has recently done a duet with Randy Travis. The chorus of the song goes like this:
"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back
and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and
you will never break my heart in two again"
Not to rub him in the face or whatever, but maybe he should've thought about this before he walked out and said, "I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Just leave me alone." Two months... TWO MONTHS... I gave you two months... And that's all you had to say. So I moved on. I thought that was what you wanted. You left me when I needed you the most. All because I couldn't get a damn court date. That's not even in my damn power, Eric. Always so damn prideful. Stubborn. Abusive....
Two months... Nick was there. He knew what I was going through. He'd been through the same. Except his ex-girlfriend broke up with him two months into his tour in Iraq. They were together for three years too. Did you know that Eric? No he didn't take advantage of my moment of weakness. He helped me through it. Just like your brother. Just like Susey. Just like Leslie.
Screw this, Nick should be here soon...
If I could find someone that had been in the same position as me, I would tell them my whole story and help them get out of their problems. People don't understand why women go back to their abusive spouses.. neither did I. Until I realized that I was being abused myself. Mostly mentally, but it's still abuse. It's hard to explain by typing... but it's pretty much got to do with reinforcement.
Yikes, I think he's here(:
Toodles.
<33
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