I still have some hope left for this world.I still have some hope left for this world.
Let’s call her Betty. I’m not clear on what her history is but she walked into my life earlier this year. Well, she’s not a completely BIG part of my life, but she has restored my hope for humanity. If more people were like her, I’m sure the world would be won over by kindness.
From the day I first helped her, she was nice. I mean like, REALLY nice. She was just having some trouble with her phone, the Samsung Omnia. I couldn’t get the problem figured out and it was killing me that I couldn’t. She said she had some errands to run today but she’d be more than happy to swing by some other time. Meanwhile, I looked everywhere to find out the solution to the problem. When she returned, I still had no resolution. I called Mobile Line and asked for some tech support. Turned out, the answer was so simple. No wonder everyone I asked had so much trouble with it! Anyhow, a day or two after she came back. But this time it was just a short visit to drop something off. She gave me a $20 gift card to target. Why? I have NO idea. She said it was for all the trouble and help I went through to get the bug fixed on her phone as well as introducing to her all the features it provided. I thanked her and she went on her way. She was driving this horrid looking car though. Turns out, this horrid looking car was a Mercedes-Benz G-Class. No offense to you out there, I just think it looks like a box on wheels. Haha. Anyhow, I was clueless about how much the car was until I looked it up to find what model number it was (not too big of a fan of the MB). $100,000. That odd looking car is worth a hundred thousand dollars!
Okay, that’s just a car. Couldn’t mean anything, right? She came in a few more times for help with her phone and I paired the Bluetooth from her car to her phone. I met her kids a few times too. All three of them are really sweet. One is actually sitting in the office right now. She’s the youngest. Really quiet girl. Her mother dropped her off to play with the dog.
Woah, like.. nearly the whole day just went by as I just sat back down to finish this post.
Anyway, apparently, she must have money. Her house is super nice. Gated community, her son has a modified 350z, and I’m not sure what her husband drives. Maybe that G class car. But uh, lets get to the point, shall we?
She donated $12,000 to another customer at our store. In cash. The two haven’t met, she wishes for her identity to be unknown by the man. Let’s call him Steve.
Steve has lost his job, lost all his money, his car, and was recently diagnosed with cancer. He has come to the store on countless occasions to ask us for help and we have gone out of our way to do so with certain requests. For instance, my post about the curse of a kind heart? He has a lot to do with it. Just this week, I probably used a whole tank being his taxi driver. He feels bad, I’m pretty annoyed, but I just smile and say it’s no problem at all. I didn’t volunteer for the job, nor is it one I can afford. He also spilled my Jamba Juice Betty bought for us earlier today on my backpack, shoes, and desk. Ah well…
Steve was very fortunate to have his story told by chance to Betty who was kind enough to donate that generous sum of money to buy a car. Which, he did with the help of my father and I. I found the car, mum dealed the price down, I drove him and my dad to the dealership, and my dad dealed down the price and got the paperwork summed up for Steve and drove Steve’s car back to our home where Steve proceeded to drive home. Steve apparently had surgery a few weeks ago and is having a hard time walking.
So, I guess I’m just amazed that people out there are willing to help one another. Complete strangers that have never met. Amazing, isn’t it? And so comforting.
Well, time to close up shop. I just hope that when I’m in as much need as Steve, someone else out there will step up and help me, like Betty did. But, just not to that great of an extent. (:
Kindness is simply one of the many forms of love in action. That’s what I think anyway.
Goodnight, bittersweet world.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Curse of a Kind Heart
Anger.
Anger at some of the past decisions I made, some of the "friends" that I had, and most particularly, anger at the one person who made me realize what I had. What I've been cursed with.
There's still one female in my life that gets me angry. She was a "friend" that "only wanted the best" for me. Just thinking about her now gets me heated up... The whole time she was getting friendly with a certain someone. But this is what gets me, even though her mistakes (although she may not believe they were) caused me a substantial amount of grief, I feel as if I cannot blame her for it. I was in love, and she was in lust. That’s just the way the world turns. She had turned my world completely upside down as she stood whispering her devious little charms into his ear… I could blame her, but it wasn’t really her fault. I could blame the other girl, but it wasn’t her fault either. I could blame him, but it wasn’t his fault either. It was mine. It was all me. Me and this crummy heart that lets everyone get the best of me.
It’s sad… I see these things happening but I always tell myself to let them have the benefit of the doubt. But that’s just the thing – I have no doubts about certain people. And looking back on it now, these were the ones I was right about. So why couldn’t I save myself from the pain and just get out while I could?
Like I said, I’ve realized I’ve been cursed. Throughout my life, I always let people walk all over me. As much as it didn’t seem like it, I did. I honestly, really did. In all realities, it should be coined as “trampled” all over me. That seems more appropriate. I’m too nice. I can’t speak up about certain things even if it’s harming me. Of course, I eventually draw the line, but I’m certain I still let things go too far.
I have some great friends that look out for me, and these are the people I’ve never had any doubt about. One in particular sticks out in my mind. We grew up with completely different environments but we understand each other. We look out for each other. We don’t exactly look like the normal pair together, but it works. We’re a lot alike aside from the differences in society we live in and grew up in.
I believe we can all be friends (SEE! THERE! My kind heart prevails… T___T). I probably also sound like a hippie by saying that, but it’s true. A visit from someone who once was a close friend made me realize that I hope some time in the future we’re friends again. Even after all the pain we put each other through or had whispered into our ears. I saw our meeting going a little differently in my head a little bit after this associate left. Like I’ve said before, my life is like a drama-filled movie.
Due to this horrible curse, I find myself constantly going out of my way to help people. For instance, last night I signed up with some modeling/acting agency because a friend’s friend needed fifteen recruits. I find that hilarious. Especially because she just called me asking me if I was still interested in showing up. Sure I’m interested, I just don’t have the time, sadly. I wouldn’t mind playing the snooty “Oh-I’m-so-much-better-than-you” attitude. But of course, I wouldn’t have the chance to. I’m not pretty enough or take care of myself enough to go into that line of work. Haha. Anyway, i enjoy getting my hands dirty from time to time. Wouldn’t be something I’d want to do for more than an hour a day. Unless I was getting paid serious money, then I’d totally do it…
Anyway, I think that’s enough chat for now… been so boreddd lately at night. Nic’s in Texas for some training new recruits’ thing or something. Nick’s gone to bed. Steve is busy with the whole war veterans thing he runs now for the government. Trey’s deployed in Cuba. Which reminds me… I need to send Danny a care package in Afghanistan. School’s started, and the professor’s been able to talk the dean into letting two more people in so I’m back in geology (any tutors out there interested in tutoring me, message me. Hahahaha.). And, if I get all my classes next semester, I can transfer by the end of it! All the matter of choosing what college and what major… :/ very difficult decision…
Another thing… you know what bugs me? Guys that think that all girls love being pampered. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t mind going to a fancy restaurant now and then but it doesn’t have to be ALL the time. I’m perfectly happy with a hole-in-the-wall place as long as they serve some decent food. Haha. Honestly though, it’s a waste of time! Apparently we have reservations to some place tomorrow night. He won’t tell me anything, not where it is, or even how I should dress! Ugh. I’m certainly excited, but I’m kind of annoyed… He really doesn’t need to spoil me. :/ Like I said, I enjoy getting my hands dirty too. I love my Gerry(: <3 he’s so sweet.
As for now, I think I’ll go hunt down a snack. Haven’t had anything to eat all day and I’m in need of some sort of nourishment. Been stuck at work all day. :/ Once again, my crappy nice personality drives me INSANE. I’m going to starve to death because of it. Haha. The curse of a kind, forgiving heart. CURSE.
Peace, ladies.
Yummie strawberry soda!! :D It really honestly does taste like strawberry soda... hahaha.
Anger at some of the past decisions I made, some of the "friends" that I had, and most particularly, anger at the one person who made me realize what I had. What I've been cursed with.
There's still one female in my life that gets me angry. She was a "friend" that "only wanted the best" for me. Just thinking about her now gets me heated up... The whole time she was getting friendly with a certain someone. But this is what gets me, even though her mistakes (although she may not believe they were) caused me a substantial amount of grief, I feel as if I cannot blame her for it. I was in love, and she was in lust. That’s just the way the world turns. She had turned my world completely upside down as she stood whispering her devious little charms into his ear… I could blame her, but it wasn’t really her fault. I could blame the other girl, but it wasn’t her fault either. I could blame him, but it wasn’t his fault either. It was mine. It was all me. Me and this crummy heart that lets everyone get the best of me.
It’s sad… I see these things happening but I always tell myself to let them have the benefit of the doubt. But that’s just the thing – I have no doubts about certain people. And looking back on it now, these were the ones I was right about. So why couldn’t I save myself from the pain and just get out while I could?
Like I said, I’ve realized I’ve been cursed. Throughout my life, I always let people walk all over me. As much as it didn’t seem like it, I did. I honestly, really did. In all realities, it should be coined as “trampled” all over me. That seems more appropriate. I’m too nice. I can’t speak up about certain things even if it’s harming me. Of course, I eventually draw the line, but I’m certain I still let things go too far.
I have some great friends that look out for me, and these are the people I’ve never had any doubt about. One in particular sticks out in my mind. We grew up with completely different environments but we understand each other. We look out for each other. We don’t exactly look like the normal pair together, but it works. We’re a lot alike aside from the differences in society we live in and grew up in.
I believe we can all be friends (SEE! THERE! My kind heart prevails… T___T). I probably also sound like a hippie by saying that, but it’s true. A visit from someone who once was a close friend made me realize that I hope some time in the future we’re friends again. Even after all the pain we put each other through or had whispered into our ears. I saw our meeting going a little differently in my head a little bit after this associate left. Like I’ve said before, my life is like a drama-filled movie.
Due to this horrible curse, I find myself constantly going out of my way to help people. For instance, last night I signed up with some modeling/acting agency because a friend’s friend needed fifteen recruits. I find that hilarious. Especially because she just called me asking me if I was still interested in showing up. Sure I’m interested, I just don’t have the time, sadly. I wouldn’t mind playing the snooty “Oh-I’m-so-much-better-than-you” attitude. But of course, I wouldn’t have the chance to. I’m not pretty enough or take care of myself enough to go into that line of work. Haha. Anyway, i enjoy getting my hands dirty from time to time. Wouldn’t be something I’d want to do for more than an hour a day. Unless I was getting paid serious money, then I’d totally do it…
Anyway, I think that’s enough chat for now… been so boreddd lately at night. Nic’s in Texas for some training new recruits’ thing or something. Nick’s gone to bed. Steve is busy with the whole war veterans thing he runs now for the government. Trey’s deployed in Cuba. Which reminds me… I need to send Danny a care package in Afghanistan. School’s started, and the professor’s been able to talk the dean into letting two more people in so I’m back in geology (any tutors out there interested in tutoring me, message me. Hahahaha.). And, if I get all my classes next semester, I can transfer by the end of it! All the matter of choosing what college and what major… :/ very difficult decision…
Another thing… you know what bugs me? Guys that think that all girls love being pampered. I mean, sure, I wouldn’t mind going to a fancy restaurant now and then but it doesn’t have to be ALL the time. I’m perfectly happy with a hole-in-the-wall place as long as they serve some decent food. Haha. Honestly though, it’s a waste of time! Apparently we have reservations to some place tomorrow night. He won’t tell me anything, not where it is, or even how I should dress! Ugh. I’m certainly excited, but I’m kind of annoyed… He really doesn’t need to spoil me. :/ Like I said, I enjoy getting my hands dirty too. I love my Gerry(: <3 he’s so sweet.
As for now, I think I’ll go hunt down a snack. Haven’t had anything to eat all day and I’m in need of some sort of nourishment. Been stuck at work all day. :/ Once again, my crappy nice personality drives me INSANE. I’m going to starve to death because of it. Haha. The curse of a kind, forgiving heart. CURSE.
Peace, ladies.
Yummie strawberry soda!! :D It really honestly does taste like strawberry soda... hahaha.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
With love comes pain
As I was laying on my bed earlier today, singing my heart out to Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, SHeDAISY, and a number of other various artists, i've realized one thing I'm a bit ashamed of… I'm afraid to love.
Somewhere in my mind i've come to the conclusion that to love is to force yourself through unnecessary pain. Sure love has it’s pros, but it’s quite terrifying if you sit to think about it. ‘Love’ can literally kill you. It’s strong enough so it can break even the strongest (wo)man, but so delicate that it’s what we’re made of. It made me think, “There’s so much love in this world, but it’s directed at all the wrong things.” There’s the love for money, love for power, love for lust… We all aim our love in the wrong places. That there is why love is so painful. Love is something that should never end. And it’s true, love doesn’t end. It’s not that someone stops loving the other person in a relationship; it’s the fact that one loves the other too much, and the other loves back too little. If all of us weren’t so focused on our lives and took a moment to think we’d all agree that ‘love’ really is what makes the world go round. Love is what helps us exist, to survive, to endure life’s hardships. We aren’t in fact living for ourselves, but for something we love.
It’s like horseback riding. You’re afraid to get on the horse because you’re not sure if it’s the right match for you. You try to talk yourself out of it thinking of the consequences, but you put your foot in the stirrup, swing your leg over, and settle in for the ride. At first, things are easy. Then the pace picks up. This is where I think most relationships seem to have a difficult time; the trot. It’s bumpy, and if you don’t prepare yourself or sit yourself properly you’re bound to have a super rough ride. Some people can’t handle this and they stop. Others hang on tightly only to eventually give up. But some… some hang on for dear life. And no matter how far to the slide they slip they grit their teeth and hang on, attempting to pull themselves back into the saddle. If they succeed, they learn how to cope with the jarring and position themselves correctly in the saddle, posting to the trot to lessen the bouncing. And as time passes, you feel more confident and take things to the next level; the lope. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Nothing like feeling the wind in your face, the pounding of hooves, sitting astride a magnificently molded animal; this is when everything in the relationship is going smoothly, easily. And after a bit of this pace, you kick in to the limit; the gallop. Every stride you go through brings you and your significant other closer and closer together. Things between you develop even faster and you feel as if you could never love each other more. But as the pace quickens, so does your love.
Depending on what kind of trail you’re riding it’s impossible to say it’s smooth galloping from there on out. I believe no road is without its consequences or obstacles. The horse is love. The paces you put your horse through are the phases in your relationship. And lastly, the trail… the trail will always be a twisting trail through forest, desert, mountainous terrain, ….
MAJOR DISTRACTION, BYE.
Somewhere in my mind i've come to the conclusion that to love is to force yourself through unnecessary pain. Sure love has it’s pros, but it’s quite terrifying if you sit to think about it. ‘Love’ can literally kill you. It’s strong enough so it can break even the strongest (wo)man, but so delicate that it’s what we’re made of. It made me think, “There’s so much love in this world, but it’s directed at all the wrong things.” There’s the love for money, love for power, love for lust… We all aim our love in the wrong places. That there is why love is so painful. Love is something that should never end. And it’s true, love doesn’t end. It’s not that someone stops loving the other person in a relationship; it’s the fact that one loves the other too much, and the other loves back too little. If all of us weren’t so focused on our lives and took a moment to think we’d all agree that ‘love’ really is what makes the world go round. Love is what helps us exist, to survive, to endure life’s hardships. We aren’t in fact living for ourselves, but for something we love.
It’s like horseback riding. You’re afraid to get on the horse because you’re not sure if it’s the right match for you. You try to talk yourself out of it thinking of the consequences, but you put your foot in the stirrup, swing your leg over, and settle in for the ride. At first, things are easy. Then the pace picks up. This is where I think most relationships seem to have a difficult time; the trot. It’s bumpy, and if you don’t prepare yourself or sit yourself properly you’re bound to have a super rough ride. Some people can’t handle this and they stop. Others hang on tightly only to eventually give up. But some… some hang on for dear life. And no matter how far to the slide they slip they grit their teeth and hang on, attempting to pull themselves back into the saddle. If they succeed, they learn how to cope with the jarring and position themselves correctly in the saddle, posting to the trot to lessen the bouncing. And as time passes, you feel more confident and take things to the next level; the lope. It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Nothing like feeling the wind in your face, the pounding of hooves, sitting astride a magnificently molded animal; this is when everything in the relationship is going smoothly, easily. And after a bit of this pace, you kick in to the limit; the gallop. Every stride you go through brings you and your significant other closer and closer together. Things between you develop even faster and you feel as if you could never love each other more. But as the pace quickens, so does your love.
Depending on what kind of trail you’re riding it’s impossible to say it’s smooth galloping from there on out. I believe no road is without its consequences or obstacles. The horse is love. The paces you put your horse through are the phases in your relationship. And lastly, the trail… the trail will always be a twisting trail through forest, desert, mountainous terrain, ….
MAJOR DISTRACTION, BYE.
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