Looking to interview military men/women diagnosed with PTSD.
Must have served overseas, recently or not does not matter.
Anddddd, be willing to be interviewed.
Interview by phone, person, email, or instant messaging - I don't care. I just need interviews.
Thanks(:
EDIT:
This is for a research paper!
Please comment or email me if interested.
Email: sar4hju@gmail.com
Monday, April 20, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Observe
So I'll start with Friday.
Friday was a field trip with my English class to the Griffith Observatory.
Got off work, went to go pick up Amador, and we headed to the Observatory ourselves. Man, the traffic was HORRIBLE.
After we finally arrived, found a parking spot on the hill, we ran up to look for the rest of the class. We had just seen the bus driving back down on our way up so we knew they had to be around somewhere. They were all standing next to the railing on the right side of the observatory. Amador and I gathered in with the rest of them and stroke up conversations with the others. Brian and his mother soon walked over and we were all just talking. The professor showed up, we gave him the money, and we went on our way into the observatory. After a bit of looking around he herded us down the steps and into a theater where we watched a video narreratied by Leonard Nimoy, the guy who played Spock or w/e. The video informed us about how the observatory had changed and how they had built under it. It had been under construction for.. four years? I don't remember, honestly. Lol.
Anyway, after it he made us walk down a slightly turning hallway back into the room the theater was right next to. So pretty much, in a circle. The wall of the hallway however showed artifacts from millions of years ago, or something like that. It was quite nice and shiny. Very pretty stuff inside the case leading down to the end of the hall.
After exploring the room with the 'Big Picture' and the planets, we headed back up to watch the Center of the Universe show. I remember it was my most favorite thing when I visited as a child. I enjoyed it once more. After that we were free to explore the rest of the museum. Which Amador and I did quite actively. There were little games of tag between Veronica, Brian, Brian's mother, Amador, and I. Amador, Brian and I ended up running around the front lawn of the observatory tagging each other while waiting in line for a look at Mercury and Saturn. It felt good to be playing little games like a kid again. We headed up to the telescope and cut in line behind the professor and his girlfriend to look at Saturn through the Zeiss telescope.
It was pretty damn neat(:
So Saturday I met Nick at the Irvine Spectrum to go shopping for a dress for the ball. Which, we found no luck doing. Well, there was one dress that we both liked, but I already have something a bit similar to it so I thought it pointless. He's wearing his Dress Blues - SEXYYYYYYYYYASS uniform. Honestly though, I can't seem to find anything that would compliment it. :/ So I plan on just wearing a teacup length dress that's black. Maybe just the dress I wore for the Marine Corps Ball. Except.. that ball was MUCH bigger and WAYY more formal. >__< I was TOTALLY under dressed. Rofl. Never have I seen so many Marines in their Blues either. Hahahaha.
Had a pretty good time Saturday. I was force feeding giant heaping spoon fulls of ice cream into Nick's mouth(: Then we had dinner, and watched a movie.
I headed home soon after. It was gettin' late.
And today.. Well, Nick's on his way up from base. He's almost here. Few more minutes. We're going to make lunch together and head over to the observatory. I wonder if my parents would be interested in going? Hm.. I should invite them.
Hehe.. Nick's been spoiling me, so now I feel as if it's my turn to spoil him. Besides paying for the movie, and ice cream yesterday, I think i'll try to chip in whenever I possibly can.
My wrist hurts, and Nick's here(:
Peace out, ladies.
I like the colors in this picture i took(:
Friday was a field trip with my English class to the Griffith Observatory.
Got off work, went to go pick up Amador, and we headed to the Observatory ourselves. Man, the traffic was HORRIBLE.
After we finally arrived, found a parking spot on the hill, we ran up to look for the rest of the class. We had just seen the bus driving back down on our way up so we knew they had to be around somewhere. They were all standing next to the railing on the right side of the observatory. Amador and I gathered in with the rest of them and stroke up conversations with the others. Brian and his mother soon walked over and we were all just talking. The professor showed up, we gave him the money, and we went on our way into the observatory. After a bit of looking around he herded us down the steps and into a theater where we watched a video narreratied by Leonard Nimoy, the guy who played Spock or w/e. The video informed us about how the observatory had changed and how they had built under it. It had been under construction for.. four years? I don't remember, honestly. Lol.
Anyway, after it he made us walk down a slightly turning hallway back into the room the theater was right next to. So pretty much, in a circle. The wall of the hallway however showed artifacts from millions of years ago, or something like that. It was quite nice and shiny. Very pretty stuff inside the case leading down to the end of the hall.
After exploring the room with the 'Big Picture' and the planets, we headed back up to watch the Center of the Universe show. I remember it was my most favorite thing when I visited as a child. I enjoyed it once more. After that we were free to explore the rest of the museum. Which Amador and I did quite actively. There were little games of tag between Veronica, Brian, Brian's mother, Amador, and I. Amador, Brian and I ended up running around the front lawn of the observatory tagging each other while waiting in line for a look at Mercury and Saturn. It felt good to be playing little games like a kid again. We headed up to the telescope and cut in line behind the professor and his girlfriend to look at Saturn through the Zeiss telescope.
It was pretty damn neat(:
So Saturday I met Nick at the Irvine Spectrum to go shopping for a dress for the ball. Which, we found no luck doing. Well, there was one dress that we both liked, but I already have something a bit similar to it so I thought it pointless. He's wearing his Dress Blues - SEXYYYYYYYYYASS uniform. Honestly though, I can't seem to find anything that would compliment it. :/ So I plan on just wearing a teacup length dress that's black. Maybe just the dress I wore for the Marine Corps Ball. Except.. that ball was MUCH bigger and WAYY more formal. >__< I was TOTALLY under dressed. Rofl. Never have I seen so many Marines in their Blues either. Hahahaha.
Had a pretty good time Saturday. I was force feeding giant heaping spoon fulls of ice cream into Nick's mouth(: Then we had dinner, and watched a movie.
I headed home soon after. It was gettin' late.
And today.. Well, Nick's on his way up from base. He's almost here. Few more minutes. We're going to make lunch together and head over to the observatory. I wonder if my parents would be interested in going? Hm.. I should invite them.
Hehe.. Nick's been spoiling me, so now I feel as if it's my turn to spoil him. Besides paying for the movie, and ice cream yesterday, I think i'll try to chip in whenever I possibly can.
My wrist hurts, and Nick's here(:
Peace out, ladies.
I like the colors in this picture i took(:
Thursday, April 16, 2009
1-2-3-4 I Love Marine Corps...
Back now!
Traffic on the freeway.. and when I got home I noticed there was no rice so I decided to make some so my dad would have something to eat when he got home. He got home while I was washing it though :/ oh well...
Mom's at some meeting thing. Not too sure what, but if she ain't home to notice no rice, no one else is gonna make it. Well, dad might, but he might come home hungry and no one likes waiting.. >__<
So... yes, I was talking about the military, no?
Marines. Beautiful uniforms. Desert cammies and blues are my favorites<3 Some guys just look SOOOOOOO FRIGGIN' HOT all dressed up... I always did like seeing Eric in his uniform. Whenever he'd drive up from base right after work... It made me wanna just pounce on him and give him orders to do what i want. rofl.. anyway... MOVING ON! hahaha...
So Jesse's joining the Marines. He swore in earlier today. I do believe we went to the same school since middle school. We're not incredibly close friends, more or less just acquaintances, but I still do worry about him. We had this project together in our sophmore year. Making a news cast thing. I pretty much did all the work, and they just read what I wrote, but... at least he TRIED to help. He's a real nice guy. A vegetarian, but soon to be meat eater because he's goin' into the Marines. I feel bad.. I'm giving him such a hard time about his decision. :/ I promise him i'd write though and that i'd visit. He promised me to invite me to the Ball this November if we're both still in Cali.
Back to families with soldiers. Do you know what it's like waiting up at night for a call from someone overseas? My sister dated a Marine a few years back. It was his second deployment to Iraq. He was a grunt, in other words, infantry. We would wake up in literally the middle of the night (and i'm a late sleeper) because he would call the house phone and my sister wouldn't get to it fast enough.
Let's go back though to how I met Jason, my sister's ex. The first time I met him, he had found out his girlfriend had been cheating on him for already who knows how long. He had done everything for her too. Bought her everything she wanted, and even went to three different malls looking for a scarf that she wanted. He really spoils his girlfriends, i'm assuming. I was sleeping outside in the living room on a mattress because my room was... I forgot what but I couldn't sleep in it. It was dark, and he came over to my corner of the living room and sat down next to the bed with his back facing to me. He asked me what my name was, and I gave him a fake name and giggled. He shook my hand and told me his name and launched into a story that brought me to tears.
He had just gotten back from his first deployment in Iraq and had gone to visit his girlfriend when he found pictures of her making out with the other guy and what not. She confessed to have been cheating on him.. or did she deny it? Whatever, that's not the part that made me want to cry. The part that made me cry was when he started talking about his tour. How everyone's mentality was "It's better you than me" and how he had seen the deaths of so many people. Was ordered to point and shoot. How they had to rush into buildings not knowing what was in store for them... Just thinking about all of it now is making my eyes a bit watery. You had to have been there... He was going through so many emotions while telling me his story. Then he started crying. He said no one here knew what it was like to do what he had to do, to look into the eyes of a stranger pointing a gun at him, and shoot before the other guy could pull the trigger. What it's like walking down a street with body armor on, or watching the people around you fall to the ground dead. He lost a few of his friends out there and he sat there and cried, "Why them? Why not me?"
I don't want to talk about this anymore... It's hurting. :/
We had a scare when he was over there the second time. Something blew up next to him or he was shot or something.. All I know is that there was a call... someone asked to speak to my sister, and she came back out of the room saying, "Something's happened to Jason...." I can't recall what happened exactly. Just that he was injured some how and he had told his friend to call my sister and tell them what happened. Thinking about it.. I think it had something to do with his back. Something blew up and a piece of it was in his back. Or maybe that was someone else.. Oh, I dunno.
Anyway, I can't tell you what Iraq is like now. My friends don't really talk about it. Nick came back a few months ago. Or is it a couple now? Time passes by so quickly.. He was working convoy security and he was a machine gunner on top of a 7-ton or a 3-ton. I can't remember.. Does such a thing exist (7-ton)? Lol.
Okay, whatever. I want to get over this topic...
POINT IS, our military personnel deserve respect. Most of them anyway. Some of them are complete idiots that I want to punch in the face. Haha.. that reminds me.. I punched one of Nick's sergents in the face. O.o IT WAS LIGHT THOUGH I SWEAR! I was a bit drunk but I felt REALLY bad. However, apparently his wife hits him all the time. Rofl. His wife is so nice(: She's awesome. OKAY, back to the point! Sorry. I have an attention problem.. lol.
So yes. Respect for them. I mean.. when it comes to the military .. my feelings for them are quite confusing. I'm for them, but against them. I guess it's just because of my run in with bad Marines. Meh. But I respect those out there that are serving the country. Like in all seriousness? I'd join the military too. Except my parents would kill me if I did.
I once lied to my mom saying I was joining the National Guard because I wanted to help out in the community in times of need and she FLIPPED out. She had asked me what I was doing with a book and pens and stuff from the National Guard (I had been talking with recruiters just for conversation. I outsmarted one. Haha, and the GySgt gave me his card for me to call if I had any questions). It was sad, but funny. She started crying and yelling and throwing things at me. So that's that. :/
Whenever I drive down to base, or around base, or see another military person walking around or .. anything, I think of my ex. I don't know why... Whenever I see anything military - or almost anything in general - I think of my ex. I feel so wrong when I do that.. I mean, I have a boyfriend, he's a Marine too, but... all I can think about is Eric? That's like.. practically cheating to me. I feel so guilty when I do it. I just wish I could get over him already. *Sigh*
Don't get me wrong. I love my Marine guy friends but... I don't know.. It's all just.. It's hard to explain.
*Sigh* I don't feel like talking about this anymore.. It puts me in a depressed mood...
God bless our troops no matter what their service branch.
Bring our troops home safely<3
and lastly?,
God bless America.
Our home, sweet home.
Goodnight everyone.
And thank you to all the troops who served, are serving right now, and to serve.
Thank you.
Traffic on the freeway.. and when I got home I noticed there was no rice so I decided to make some so my dad would have something to eat when he got home. He got home while I was washing it though :/ oh well...
Mom's at some meeting thing. Not too sure what, but if she ain't home to notice no rice, no one else is gonna make it. Well, dad might, but he might come home hungry and no one likes waiting.. >__<
So... yes, I was talking about the military, no?
Marines. Beautiful uniforms. Desert cammies and blues are my favorites<3 Some guys just look SOOOOOOO FRIGGIN' HOT all dressed up... I always did like seeing Eric in his uniform. Whenever he'd drive up from base right after work... It made me wanna just pounce on him and give him orders to do what i want. rofl.. anyway... MOVING ON! hahaha...
So Jesse's joining the Marines. He swore in earlier today. I do believe we went to the same school since middle school. We're not incredibly close friends, more or less just acquaintances, but I still do worry about him. We had this project together in our sophmore year. Making a news cast thing. I pretty much did all the work, and they just read what I wrote, but... at least he TRIED to help. He's a real nice guy. A vegetarian, but soon to be meat eater because he's goin' into the Marines. I feel bad.. I'm giving him such a hard time about his decision. :/ I promise him i'd write though and that i'd visit. He promised me to invite me to the Ball this November if we're both still in Cali.
Back to families with soldiers. Do you know what it's like waiting up at night for a call from someone overseas? My sister dated a Marine a few years back. It was his second deployment to Iraq. He was a grunt, in other words, infantry. We would wake up in literally the middle of the night (and i'm a late sleeper) because he would call the house phone and my sister wouldn't get to it fast enough.
Let's go back though to how I met Jason, my sister's ex. The first time I met him, he had found out his girlfriend had been cheating on him for already who knows how long. He had done everything for her too. Bought her everything she wanted, and even went to three different malls looking for a scarf that she wanted. He really spoils his girlfriends, i'm assuming. I was sleeping outside in the living room on a mattress because my room was... I forgot what but I couldn't sleep in it. It was dark, and he came over to my corner of the living room and sat down next to the bed with his back facing to me. He asked me what my name was, and I gave him a fake name and giggled. He shook my hand and told me his name and launched into a story that brought me to tears.
He had just gotten back from his first deployment in Iraq and had gone to visit his girlfriend when he found pictures of her making out with the other guy and what not. She confessed to have been cheating on him.. or did she deny it? Whatever, that's not the part that made me want to cry. The part that made me cry was when he started talking about his tour. How everyone's mentality was "It's better you than me" and how he had seen the deaths of so many people. Was ordered to point and shoot. How they had to rush into buildings not knowing what was in store for them... Just thinking about all of it now is making my eyes a bit watery. You had to have been there... He was going through so many emotions while telling me his story. Then he started crying. He said no one here knew what it was like to do what he had to do, to look into the eyes of a stranger pointing a gun at him, and shoot before the other guy could pull the trigger. What it's like walking down a street with body armor on, or watching the people around you fall to the ground dead. He lost a few of his friends out there and he sat there and cried, "Why them? Why not me?"
I don't want to talk about this anymore... It's hurting. :/
We had a scare when he was over there the second time. Something blew up next to him or he was shot or something.. All I know is that there was a call... someone asked to speak to my sister, and she came back out of the room saying, "Something's happened to Jason...." I can't recall what happened exactly. Just that he was injured some how and he had told his friend to call my sister and tell them what happened. Thinking about it.. I think it had something to do with his back. Something blew up and a piece of it was in his back. Or maybe that was someone else.. Oh, I dunno.
Anyway, I can't tell you what Iraq is like now. My friends don't really talk about it. Nick came back a few months ago. Or is it a couple now? Time passes by so quickly.. He was working convoy security and he was a machine gunner on top of a 7-ton or a 3-ton. I can't remember.. Does such a thing exist (7-ton)? Lol.
Okay, whatever. I want to get over this topic...
POINT IS, our military personnel deserve respect. Most of them anyway. Some of them are complete idiots that I want to punch in the face. Haha.. that reminds me.. I punched one of Nick's sergents in the face. O.o IT WAS LIGHT THOUGH I SWEAR! I was a bit drunk but I felt REALLY bad. However, apparently his wife hits him all the time. Rofl. His wife is so nice(: She's awesome. OKAY, back to the point! Sorry. I have an attention problem.. lol.
So yes. Respect for them. I mean.. when it comes to the military .. my feelings for them are quite confusing. I'm for them, but against them. I guess it's just because of my run in with bad Marines. Meh. But I respect those out there that are serving the country. Like in all seriousness? I'd join the military too. Except my parents would kill me if I did.
I once lied to my mom saying I was joining the National Guard because I wanted to help out in the community in times of need and she FLIPPED out. She had asked me what I was doing with a book and pens and stuff from the National Guard (I had been talking with recruiters just for conversation. I outsmarted one. Haha, and the GySgt gave me his card for me to call if I had any questions). It was sad, but funny. She started crying and yelling and throwing things at me. So that's that. :/
Whenever I drive down to base, or around base, or see another military person walking around or .. anything, I think of my ex. I don't know why... Whenever I see anything military - or almost anything in general - I think of my ex. I feel so wrong when I do that.. I mean, I have a boyfriend, he's a Marine too, but... all I can think about is Eric? That's like.. practically cheating to me. I feel so guilty when I do it. I just wish I could get over him already. *Sigh*
Don't get me wrong. I love my Marine guy friends but... I don't know.. It's all just.. It's hard to explain.
*Sigh* I don't feel like talking about this anymore.. It puts me in a depressed mood...
God bless our troops no matter what their service branch.
Bring our troops home safely<3
and lastly?,
God bless America.
Our home, sweet home.
Goodnight everyone.
And thank you to all the troops who served, are serving right now, and to serve.
Thank you.
Just a Dream // Carrie Underwood & It Happens // Sugarland
Man.. this song is STUCKK in my head! So true too!
So i'm sittin' here at work - bored. Today's not even a day i work. -___-" Whatever though. Family come's first right? Shucks... I was planning on going riding with Leslie today too. Little grey arabian mare I'm looking forward to meet next time I go with her to the stables. They've never taken her ridin' so they don't know how she is on trail. I wonder if they'll let me ride her after Lady, the little grey arabian, gets her hooves trimmed.
So lets see... Oh. My ex showed up at bowling on Tuesday. Not many of you know this but a few buddies and I go bowling EVERY Tuesday. Well, almost every Tuesday. Anyway, one of the buddies that always goes is Tim - my ex's bro. We always grab some Rubio's fish tacos before we head over to the alley and after I make reservations. It's cool, the guy remembers me there now. :D I bought him a fish taco too. Hahaha. Anyway, yeah.. Bowling was alright. Just sorta bugged me that he was there. I saw his bro walk over to his car and I was like - whatever. So Amador and I headed into the alley when I looked up and BAM. He was just standing there. I like froze in the middle of taking another step forward, stepped backward a bit, shook my head a lil, and continued to walk to the counter where the guy was like, "Oh! Sarah, right?" Eric the ex also said, "What? You make it look like you're suprised to see me." when I did my little deer in the headlights look. Yeah, I WAS suprised to see him.
Oh, I ALSO forgot to mention. Eric found my blogspot. Who knows how he did it, but he did. So Eric if you're reading this... that's not cool. -___-" However, i'm sure you enjoyed reading whatever I wrote about you from before. Sorry to say, but i'm not gonna edit anything, or start censoring myself because I know you read my posts. I'm going to keep pretending you don't know. I'm actually waiting for you to grow the balls and start commenting on my posts(:
Okay, class. I lied. Well, a little. I honestly WAS sick though. Instead of going to class yesterday, I drove down to Camp Pendleton to have lunch with Nick and his shop. Hahaha... it was an.. interesting experience. Professor Hsiao, I know you read this too. And i'm sorry. I found some of those little chewable pills Nick gave me for my hangover while I was at work and that took the rest of my sickness right out the window. I don't remember why they're in my glove compartment... oh well. However, I DO believe in karma.
My sister called in sick to work and went snowboarding with her boyfriend and two other friends. On her way back down the mountain, she, out of all the others, got to hit the lucky spot of back ice. Her car slid, turned, and she hit a gas tanker. Freak accident right? But luckily she hit the front tire and the car MISSED the whole tank until it hit the rear tire of the truck. Whew - no? Well, her car was titled totaled. Something about a chassis? The impact was at a slow speed, the tanker was full of gas (thank GOD they missed - spark + full tanker w/ 2 trailors = DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN), and bleh. yeah. Sorry - i lost my train of thought. There's a guy inf ront of the shop in the parking lot and i SWEAR he's peeing in the bushes! I know, I know. You're thinkin' i'm a pervert for watching but.. dude - it's like RIGHT in front of me. >___<
Oh right, back to the karma thing. So she got a new car (09 Acura TSX), but likes you know.. karma. She called into work sick, and her car got messed up. I called into class sick (which I actually really was - no joke. but 4 o'clock came w/ them pills and i was just dandy again), and now i'm stuck at work and not being able to go riding. T____T you guys KNOW I love them horses<3
I dunno. the thought of investing into one just.. blehs me. Maybe I should've bought that horse two summers ago, or accepted those free offers on a horse. Meh.
*Yawn* So i'm tired. Nick had duty Monday and I was tryin' to stay up on the phone with him. I failed pretty badly though. Rofl. Tuesday I went to class in the morning, came home, talked to Leslie about the horses at the stables, went to Aaron's house (guy in my phil class in the morning. also the same room as hsaio's class) to bake cupcakes (that came out flat or lopsided. ROFL.), went to pick up Amador to go bowling... blah blah blah you read that stuff earlier.
OMG after bowling, Tim and his friend James invited James' friend who brought pot and they were smoking it and I was getting disgusted by it and the security guard walked up and was like, "You guys can't smoke that stuff here. You gotta go to the back and do it." And they were like, "Oh shit, alright. Sorry man." And Amador was like, dude, wanna get outta here? and i was like, TOTALLY.
So yeah... Just had to take Amador home so I got home pretty early. About 2330? 11:30PM, guys. -__-" learn your military time.
Uh.. so yeah.. that was about it... weds woke up was like feelin' sick.. went to class... talked to the professor, offered my help if he ever needed it (some static nerve gone bad and he had crutches so I was a bit worried), came home.. slept. Did hw, slept. found pills. nick called... blah blah blah.
OMG OMG OMG. SO LIKE. ughhhhh! my friend Jesse, officially has sworn into the marine corps. < / 3 I begged him not to... but he did.. I was like crying in the car drivin' home from work yesterday. All the memories just like.. FLOODED me. All the emotions... and it wasn't helpin' that my ipod was playin' all these military songs and crap. T_____T
Carrie Underwood's song "Just a Dream" was something I could feel as if I could relate to. Except.. it makes me think of Eric. That was his ringtone. The part of the song where she sings, "Then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him. Oh, and what could've been. Then the guns rang, one last shot, and it felt like a bullet in her heart..."
Eric had been on the list to deploy and I was scared. I was afraid - I admit it. All the mental stress you get from being put into a whole new enviornment? *Sigh* It ain't easy. Anyway... yeah. The song, it's quite a beautiful song... sad, but beautiful. And quite popular with them military wives. They know what it's like to lose their husband overseas and hoping that when they get the news, all of it is just really a dream. A very bad dream. Have a listen some time. It made me cry and STILL makes me cry.
I mean think of it. The news of people dying overseas is old to us. We just sit there and go, "oh, that sucks." and just go on with our own lives. You don't think about the families and people affected by that death. I see all of it. and the emotion drives me insane...
Uhh.. I'll be back soon.. i'll just publish it as the other post. Time to close up shop and head home...
Support our troops - not the ones that mislead them.
Every single one.
Every death affects a person - good OR bad.
Our soldiers need our support. Even the asshole ones.
Gotta go. Peace.
So i'm sittin' here at work - bored. Today's not even a day i work. -___-" Whatever though. Family come's first right? Shucks... I was planning on going riding with Leslie today too. Little grey arabian mare I'm looking forward to meet next time I go with her to the stables. They've never taken her ridin' so they don't know how she is on trail. I wonder if they'll let me ride her after Lady, the little grey arabian, gets her hooves trimmed.
So lets see... Oh. My ex showed up at bowling on Tuesday. Not many of you know this but a few buddies and I go bowling EVERY Tuesday. Well, almost every Tuesday. Anyway, one of the buddies that always goes is Tim - my ex's bro. We always grab some Rubio's fish tacos before we head over to the alley and after I make reservations. It's cool, the guy remembers me there now. :D I bought him a fish taco too. Hahaha. Anyway, yeah.. Bowling was alright. Just sorta bugged me that he was there. I saw his bro walk over to his car and I was like - whatever. So Amador and I headed into the alley when I looked up and BAM. He was just standing there. I like froze in the middle of taking another step forward, stepped backward a bit, shook my head a lil, and continued to walk to the counter where the guy was like, "Oh! Sarah, right?" Eric the ex also said, "What? You make it look like you're suprised to see me." when I did my little deer in the headlights look. Yeah, I WAS suprised to see him.
Oh, I ALSO forgot to mention. Eric found my blogspot. Who knows how he did it, but he did. So Eric if you're reading this... that's not cool. -___-" However, i'm sure you enjoyed reading whatever I wrote about you from before. Sorry to say, but i'm not gonna edit anything, or start censoring myself because I know you read my posts. I'm going to keep pretending you don't know. I'm actually waiting for you to grow the balls and start commenting on my posts(:
Okay, class. I lied. Well, a little. I honestly WAS sick though. Instead of going to class yesterday, I drove down to Camp Pendleton to have lunch with Nick and his shop. Hahaha... it was an.. interesting experience. Professor Hsiao, I know you read this too. And i'm sorry. I found some of those little chewable pills Nick gave me for my hangover while I was at work and that took the rest of my sickness right out the window. I don't remember why they're in my glove compartment... oh well. However, I DO believe in karma.
My sister called in sick to work and went snowboarding with her boyfriend and two other friends. On her way back down the mountain, she, out of all the others, got to hit the lucky spot of back ice. Her car slid, turned, and she hit a gas tanker. Freak accident right? But luckily she hit the front tire and the car MISSED the whole tank until it hit the rear tire of the truck. Whew - no? Well, her car was titled totaled. Something about a chassis? The impact was at a slow speed, the tanker was full of gas (thank GOD they missed - spark + full tanker w/ 2 trailors = DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN), and bleh. yeah. Sorry - i lost my train of thought. There's a guy inf ront of the shop in the parking lot and i SWEAR he's peeing in the bushes! I know, I know. You're thinkin' i'm a pervert for watching but.. dude - it's like RIGHT in front of me. >___<
Oh right, back to the karma thing. So she got a new car (09 Acura TSX), but likes you know.. karma. She called into work sick, and her car got messed up. I called into class sick (which I actually really was - no joke. but 4 o'clock came w/ them pills and i was just dandy again), and now i'm stuck at work and not being able to go riding. T____T you guys KNOW I love them horses<3
I dunno. the thought of investing into one just.. blehs me. Maybe I should've bought that horse two summers ago, or accepted those free offers on a horse. Meh.
*Yawn* So i'm tired. Nick had duty Monday and I was tryin' to stay up on the phone with him. I failed pretty badly though. Rofl. Tuesday I went to class in the morning, came home, talked to Leslie about the horses at the stables, went to Aaron's house (guy in my phil class in the morning. also the same room as hsaio's class) to bake cupcakes (that came out flat or lopsided. ROFL.), went to pick up Amador to go bowling... blah blah blah you read that stuff earlier.
OMG after bowling, Tim and his friend James invited James' friend who brought pot and they were smoking it and I was getting disgusted by it and the security guard walked up and was like, "You guys can't smoke that stuff here. You gotta go to the back and do it." And they were like, "Oh shit, alright. Sorry man." And Amador was like, dude, wanna get outta here? and i was like, TOTALLY.
So yeah... Just had to take Amador home so I got home pretty early. About 2330? 11:30PM, guys. -__-" learn your military time.
Uh.. so yeah.. that was about it... weds woke up was like feelin' sick.. went to class... talked to the professor, offered my help if he ever needed it (some static nerve gone bad and he had crutches so I was a bit worried), came home.. slept. Did hw, slept. found pills. nick called... blah blah blah.
OMG OMG OMG. SO LIKE. ughhhhh! my friend Jesse, officially has sworn into the marine corps. < / 3 I begged him not to... but he did.. I was like crying in the car drivin' home from work yesterday. All the memories just like.. FLOODED me. All the emotions... and it wasn't helpin' that my ipod was playin' all these military songs and crap. T_____T
Carrie Underwood's song "Just a Dream" was something I could feel as if I could relate to. Except.. it makes me think of Eric. That was his ringtone. The part of the song where she sings, "Then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him. Oh, and what could've been. Then the guns rang, one last shot, and it felt like a bullet in her heart..."
Eric had been on the list to deploy and I was scared. I was afraid - I admit it. All the mental stress you get from being put into a whole new enviornment? *Sigh* It ain't easy. Anyway... yeah. The song, it's quite a beautiful song... sad, but beautiful. And quite popular with them military wives. They know what it's like to lose their husband overseas and hoping that when they get the news, all of it is just really a dream. A very bad dream. Have a listen some time. It made me cry and STILL makes me cry.
I mean think of it. The news of people dying overseas is old to us. We just sit there and go, "oh, that sucks." and just go on with our own lives. You don't think about the families and people affected by that death. I see all of it. and the emotion drives me insane...
Uhh.. I'll be back soon.. i'll just publish it as the other post. Time to close up shop and head home...
Support our troops - not the ones that mislead them.
Every single one.
Every death affects a person - good OR bad.
Our soldiers need our support. Even the asshole ones.
Gotta go. Peace.
Friday, April 10, 2009
WNEC - Whitter Narrows Equestrian Center
So just another quick post before I go riding with Leslie....
Let's see... Let's reflect on spring break. hm... Yes.. yes... okay.. uh huh... yeah...
Okay.. IT SUCKED.
:D
I pretty much did NOTHING this spring break. Well, I saw Nick on Monday and Tuesday... worked all of Weds and Thurs... and.. Now it's Friday.
I had plans of going in to work for a little bit before driving down to Camp Pendleton, the Marine Corps base Nick is currently stationed at, buttttttttttttttttttttttttt... he's not getting off work today till four or so. So he called me this morning and told me not to head down till three... Soooooo... Leslie asked me if I wanted to go ride Rosie and I guess since I have nothing else to do, i'll accept.
Which I did.
.. I think...
Anyway, let me tell you about this horse. Leslie and I have been riding together since middle school. She's my neighbor, and I love her to death. Like, honestly. I really do. I would have to say the two most memorable things she has said to me were the following quotes I hold very close to my heart(:
"That's stupid. Everyone knows that the easiest way to kill a fish is to drown it."
and
"Did you know that they speak Spanish in Mexico?"
ROFL<3 i LOVEE this girl. and you can't ever take her away from me(: She's a currently attending Cal State Pomona (don't ask me why I didn't apply there -- okay fine. I FORGOT.), and she is the love of my life(: Not in a lesbian way or anything. No but seriously, her family - even extended - consider me to be family and my family considers her to be family. Her parents invite me on family trips ALL the time. I tell her parents what I can't tell my parents and they're totally understanding. Rofl. I get along with her family more than she gets along with them. And, visa versa for her with my family as well. Hell, I think my sisters like her more than they like me. :/ oh well. She IS quite the ditz<3 totally loveable.
Hmm... just got a text. Looks like rain. So no riding. There's no indoor arena at the place we ride at so.. meh.
Anyway... So Leslie took me riding last week. I think it was last week... The point is, she decided that after an hour of me riding in an arena, it was time for me to try barrels. Now get this, Rosie LOVES doing barrels. And I haven't been on a horse (I have but it was mostly just walking, and trotting, w/ a lil bit of loping) in friggin' FOREVER. So pretty much, i'm back at noob riding. So she leads us into a bigger arena and drags in some barrels and places them in a triangle. Here.. I found a picture of how the barrels are placed, and how you're supposed to go around them (btw, the barrels don't really weigh anything. So they're quite easy to tip over.):
So now you know how the course goes. But imagine going at it in a gallop. I'm nervous as hell and I kick Rosie into what I THOUGHT would be a walk. That horse BOLTED for the barrels. I was caught by such suprise I didn't have time to turn her around the first barrel and we went straight for the center one. Right as i'm about to find my seat we go around the center barrel.
Ever watch one of those trick riders where they're completely perpendicular to the horse and hanging off it's side? Yeah, I was pretty much doing one of those...
I was hanging onto the saddle horn until she cleared the turn and went running back down the center. I tried to turn her, which I did sucessfully, but resulted in me slipping a little further off the saddle. My foot got caught in the stirrup. If any of you ride, you know this is bad news. Because if you fall, you're sure to get dragged, and by getting dragged, you risk getting trampled.
So there I am, hanging on for dear life while i'm screaming "WOAH, ROSIE, WOAH!" while attempting to pull back on the reins. I finally pull myself up as she comes to a trot, then a halt, and I'm sittin' there like.. OH.. MY...
"Hey Leslie. My foot's caught in the stirrup. I can't get it out. Do you mind...?"
She laughs at me for maybe 10 seconds or so, then helps herself through the bars and to my right. She tries to work my foot out of the stirrup and we're both laughing and i'm about to take off my shoe because nothing seems to be working, when she finally gets it out.
Yay! I'm free! That's it.. back to the hitchin' post to unsaddle and go home.... Right...?
Nope. She puts my foot back in the stirrup and tells me to go around the center barrel again. At a trot.
So we try it again, as we come around the center barrel Rosie decides to just BOLT out of the turn. I'm flung backwards then forwards once more as she goes at a dead run towards the gate down the center.
*Sigh* That horse sure does love barrels... Her owners tried to take her pro, but they decided she was too slow so they pulled her off. Poor thing. You'd think if a horse showed that much enthusiasm you'd let her keep doin' what she loved. :/
Anyway, she really hugs them barrels. I didn't believe Leslie when she said it, but oh, she totally does hug them barrels. Didn't tip a single one while I was trying the course at a lope. Haha...
Yeah..
<--- Crazy scary stuff. Lol.
Anyway, ya'lls have a good day, yea? Ya hear?
Peace out(:
<3
Let's see... Let's reflect on spring break. hm... Yes.. yes... okay.. uh huh... yeah...
Okay.. IT SUCKED.
:D
I pretty much did NOTHING this spring break. Well, I saw Nick on Monday and Tuesday... worked all of Weds and Thurs... and.. Now it's Friday.
I had plans of going in to work for a little bit before driving down to Camp Pendleton, the Marine Corps base Nick is currently stationed at, buttttttttttttttttttttttttt... he's not getting off work today till four or so. So he called me this morning and told me not to head down till three... Soooooo... Leslie asked me if I wanted to go ride Rosie and I guess since I have nothing else to do, i'll accept.
Which I did.
.. I think...
Anyway, let me tell you about this horse. Leslie and I have been riding together since middle school. She's my neighbor, and I love her to death. Like, honestly. I really do. I would have to say the two most memorable things she has said to me were the following quotes I hold very close to my heart(:
"That's stupid. Everyone knows that the easiest way to kill a fish is to drown it."
and
"Did you know that they speak Spanish in Mexico?"
ROFL<3 i LOVEE this girl. and you can't ever take her away from me(: She's a currently attending Cal State Pomona (don't ask me why I didn't apply there -- okay fine. I FORGOT.), and she is the love of my life(: Not in a lesbian way or anything. No but seriously, her family - even extended - consider me to be family and my family considers her to be family. Her parents invite me on family trips ALL the time. I tell her parents what I can't tell my parents and they're totally understanding. Rofl. I get along with her family more than she gets along with them. And, visa versa for her with my family as well. Hell, I think my sisters like her more than they like me. :/ oh well. She IS quite the ditz<3 totally loveable.
Hmm... just got a text. Looks like rain. So no riding. There's no indoor arena at the place we ride at so.. meh.
Anyway... So Leslie took me riding last week. I think it was last week... The point is, she decided that after an hour of me riding in an arena, it was time for me to try barrels. Now get this, Rosie LOVES doing barrels. And I haven't been on a horse (I have but it was mostly just walking, and trotting, w/ a lil bit of loping) in friggin' FOREVER. So pretty much, i'm back at noob riding. So she leads us into a bigger arena and drags in some barrels and places them in a triangle. Here.. I found a picture of how the barrels are placed, and how you're supposed to go around them (btw, the barrels don't really weigh anything. So they're quite easy to tip over.):
So now you know how the course goes. But imagine going at it in a gallop. I'm nervous as hell and I kick Rosie into what I THOUGHT would be a walk. That horse BOLTED for the barrels. I was caught by such suprise I didn't have time to turn her around the first barrel and we went straight for the center one. Right as i'm about to find my seat we go around the center barrel.
Ever watch one of those trick riders where they're completely perpendicular to the horse and hanging off it's side? Yeah, I was pretty much doing one of those...
I was hanging onto the saddle horn until she cleared the turn and went running back down the center. I tried to turn her, which I did sucessfully, but resulted in me slipping a little further off the saddle. My foot got caught in the stirrup. If any of you ride, you know this is bad news. Because if you fall, you're sure to get dragged, and by getting dragged, you risk getting trampled.
So there I am, hanging on for dear life while i'm screaming "WOAH, ROSIE, WOAH!" while attempting to pull back on the reins. I finally pull myself up as she comes to a trot, then a halt, and I'm sittin' there like.. OH.. MY...
"Hey Leslie. My foot's caught in the stirrup. I can't get it out. Do you mind...?"
She laughs at me for maybe 10 seconds or so, then helps herself through the bars and to my right. She tries to work my foot out of the stirrup and we're both laughing and i'm about to take off my shoe because nothing seems to be working, when she finally gets it out.
Yay! I'm free! That's it.. back to the hitchin' post to unsaddle and go home.... Right...?
Nope. She puts my foot back in the stirrup and tells me to go around the center barrel again. At a trot.
So we try it again, as we come around the center barrel Rosie decides to just BOLT out of the turn. I'm flung backwards then forwards once more as she goes at a dead run towards the gate down the center.
*Sigh* That horse sure does love barrels... Her owners tried to take her pro, but they decided she was too slow so they pulled her off. Poor thing. You'd think if a horse showed that much enthusiasm you'd let her keep doin' what she loved. :/
Anyway, she really hugs them barrels. I didn't believe Leslie when she said it, but oh, she totally does hug them barrels. Didn't tip a single one while I was trying the course at a lope. Haha...
Yeah..
<--- Crazy scary stuff. Lol.
Anyway, ya'lls have a good day, yea? Ya hear?
Peace out(:
<3
Thursday, April 9, 2009
New Layout...
So I decided to finally get working on the layout for the blog. I mean, these are just little changes. I got bored at work. Anyway, it's just a simple photoshop thing. I wanted to keep things simple.. I had black in mind but somehow it turned into what it is.
So, opinions on the banner and background? Is it too messy? Should I clean it up?
I was thinking just a single large leaf on the right side of the page for the background. And the color for the blog entries was a light blue but it blended in with the current background a little too much for my liking.
So yes. Your opinions please?
:D
Thanks.
So, opinions on the banner and background? Is it too messy? Should I clean it up?
I was thinking just a single large leaf on the right side of the page for the background. And the color for the blog entries was a light blue but it blended in with the current background a little too much for my liking.
So yes. Your opinions please?
:D
Thanks.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I Told You So // Carrie Underwood / [ft. Randy Travis]
Alright, so just a quick post before Nick gets here and we head over to the beach to go diving/snorkeling. I can't wait!!
So, i've noticed I haven't posted in forever. Why? Because there's just been so much drama going on. Ugh! So the ex found out Nick and I are dating and flipped out on me blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship and what not. Pshttt, nigga please. And then he got put into therapy and anti-depression pills, and apparently is a completely different person. He also pointed fingers at Nick saying he was the one that convinced him to break up with me. Oh c'mon, right? How childish. Anyway, he's been dyin' to get me back. Kinda creepy. Nick ain't happy at all about him hanging around and banned him from my house (not that that's stopping Eric.). I don't know.. he's begging for a second chance and I just keep striking back at him the way he did me. It's interesting how the tables have turned. He told me I was playing the "devil's advocate". I just told him this was how he always treated me whenever I was begging him not to break up with me. Now who's on top? --Oops, accidently pushed enter and it uploaded my post. >___< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">killin' me to not give him a second chance. I'm not over him. Nick knows this too. But I know it's better for me to be with Nick. He doesn't abuse me the way Eric did. I'm not left crying almost every night and i'm getting fat and spoiled (a negative thing, yes I know.).
Eric blamed everything he did, all his actions, on how he was depressed and angry. And whenever he blew up, he'd blow up on me because I was the one closest to him. He finally realized that I was the one that made him happy. He told me if he could have any wish in the world, it would be to have a second chance with me. Not for another girl to love him as much as I did, or a billion dollars. Just a second chance with me. He said some pretty cute stuff that would've sent me straight back into his arms, but I was prepared for all of this. He claims he's willing to give up everything for another chance with me. But fact is, I don't think I can do it.
Think about it, it's taken him three years and a month or so of therapy for him to realize that he loves me? He says every "I love you" he said to me he meant. But it's kinda hard to mean something when you don't realize how much that person really means to you, right? So doesn't that mean he was lying then, and lying now? No, he's experiencing a love from me too late. He had every chance in the world when he was with me. I thought I was the one failing in the relationship and looking back now, it was him that made me feel guilty - who made me feel weak. That I was never good enough. He was always putting me down, leaving me for his games, friends or some other addiction (smoking or alcohol). And he apologizes for all of it now, blaming it once more on his anger and depression...
But you know what? I'm over it. I've got to get over it... No matter how much I want him back, I've got Nick. And Nick.... I wouldn't give him up for anyone. Not even for Eric.
The thing is, I guess I saw it coming. At first, anyway. I thought it was really over, and now... well... the tables have turned...
Carrie Underwood has recently done a duet with Randy Travis. The chorus of the song goes like this:
So, i've noticed I haven't posted in forever. Why? Because there's just been so much drama going on. Ugh! So the ex found out Nick and I are dating and flipped out on me blaming me for everything that went wrong in the relationship and what not. Pshttt, nigga please. And then he got put into therapy and anti-depression pills, and apparently is a completely different person. He also pointed fingers at Nick saying he was the one that convinced him to break up with me. Oh c'mon, right? How childish. Anyway, he's been dyin' to get me back. Kinda creepy. Nick ain't happy at all about him hanging around and banned him from my house (not that that's stopping Eric.). I don't know.. he's begging for a second chance and I just keep striking back at him the way he did me. It's interesting how the tables have turned. He told me I was playing the "devil's advocate". I just told him this was how he always treated me whenever I was begging him not to break up with me. Now who's on top? --Oops, accidently pushed enter and it uploaded my post. >___< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">killin' me to not give him a second chance. I'm not over him. Nick knows this too. But I know it's better for me to be with Nick. He doesn't abuse me the way Eric did. I'm not left crying almost every night and i'm getting fat and spoiled (a negative thing, yes I know.).
Eric blamed everything he did, all his actions, on how he was depressed and angry. And whenever he blew up, he'd blow up on me because I was the one closest to him. He finally realized that I was the one that made him happy. He told me if he could have any wish in the world, it would be to have a second chance with me. Not for another girl to love him as much as I did, or a billion dollars. Just a second chance with me. He said some pretty cute stuff that would've sent me straight back into his arms, but I was prepared for all of this. He claims he's willing to give up everything for another chance with me. But fact is, I don't think I can do it.
Think about it, it's taken him three years and a month or so of therapy for him to realize that he loves me? He says every "I love you" he said to me he meant. But it's kinda hard to mean something when you don't realize how much that person really means to you, right? So doesn't that mean he was lying then, and lying now? No, he's experiencing a love from me too late. He had every chance in the world when he was with me. I thought I was the one failing in the relationship and looking back now, it was him that made me feel guilty - who made me feel weak. That I was never good enough. He was always putting me down, leaving me for his games, friends or some other addiction (smoking or alcohol). And he apologizes for all of it now, blaming it once more on his anger and depression...
But you know what? I'm over it. I've got to get over it... No matter how much I want him back, I've got Nick. And Nick.... I wouldn't give him up for anyone. Not even for Eric.
The thing is, I guess I saw it coming. At first, anyway. I thought it was really over, and now... well... the tables have turned...
Carrie Underwood has recently done a duet with Randy Travis. The chorus of the song goes like this:
"I told you so, oh I told you so
I told you some day you come crawling back
and asking me to take you in
I told you so, but you had to go
Now I found somebody new and
you will never break my heart in two again"
Not to rub him in the face or whatever, but maybe he should've thought about this before he walked out and said, "I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Just leave me alone." Two months... TWO MONTHS... I gave you two months... And that's all you had to say. So I moved on. I thought that was what you wanted. You left me when I needed you the most. All because I couldn't get a damn court date. That's not even in my damn power, Eric. Always so damn prideful. Stubborn. Abusive....
Two months... Nick was there. He knew what I was going through. He'd been through the same. Except his ex-girlfriend broke up with him two months into his tour in Iraq. They were together for three years too. Did you know that Eric? No he didn't take advantage of my moment of weakness. He helped me through it. Just like your brother. Just like Susey. Just like Leslie.
Screw this, Nick should be here soon...
If I could find someone that had been in the same position as me, I would tell them my whole story and help them get out of their problems. People don't understand why women go back to their abusive spouses.. neither did I. Until I realized that I was being abused myself. Mostly mentally, but it's still abuse. It's hard to explain by typing... but it's pretty much got to do with reinforcement.
Yikes, I think he's here(:
Toodles.
<33
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